


Back To Back

by Heylittleyahtzee (HeyYahtzee)



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Casual Sex AU, F/F, Friends With Benefits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-02
Updated: 2015-06-16
Packaged: 2018-04-02 12:53:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 31,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4060750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeyYahtzee/pseuds/Heylittleyahtzee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laura and Carmilla have always been inseperable, from the time they tried to murder each other in the sandbox to the day they accidentally kissed at a pre-highschool-graduation party. It makes sense that they'd add a few "benefits" to their relationship, especially after they move from their small town to live together in the city. </p><p>So what happens when Laura goes to college and meets someone new?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The sun swims in the horizon, light shifting across the faint clouds of spring in soft hues of orange and purple as it sets. The atmosphere of the valley feels lighter than it has in months, so thin somebody might just float away one day without hardly noticing.

Laura wouldn’t mind if it was her, and she knows she shouldn’t say that, really, she does, but considering everything that’s happened in the last week…

She grimaces and pedals faster. Her little red bike bounces along the dirt road, rattling her from head to toe. No one comes down this close to the river anymore, not with the lake right on the other side of town. It will be just her and Carmilla. The two of them. Alone.

For all Laura knows, Carmilla isn’t even at the old willow tree. It’s their spot after all, and the last thing a normal person would do after getting in a fight with their best friend would be to go the one place they share, right? Only this is Carmilla, and Carmilla has never been, by any stretch of the imagination, normal.

No, she’s harsh and sarcastic on her best days, downright gruesome on her bad. But she’s also kind and funny and so passionate when she wants to be, so full of life and energy Laura doesn’t even know what to do sometimes.

Maybe that’s why they ended up kissing at the party. Just the simple fact of gravity.

Carmilla’s bike is tipped over next to the fence. Laura throws her bike down next to it and takes off down the winding path. The grass gently sways on either side of her, brushing her arms and bare calves as she whips by. The closer she gets the sharper her thoughts become, honing in on the one thing that matters.

She stops at the edge of the river, leans forward, hands on knees to catch her breath. The long leafy strands of the willow sway in front of her, waiting like they always have. Laura stumbles forward and parts them. The branches separate in a clean line. She’s done this so many times she might as well be opening a door.

Carmilla grips her book tightly and tries to ignore the sound of Laura on the other side of the tree. It’s not like Laura is exactly quiet. Carmilla knew the second she stopped to catch her breath, could hear every inhale. Part of her wants to get up and wrap Laura in her arms, but the other part knows that it’s no use. Whatever friendship they had is obviously gone. Laura hadn’t even hugged her goodbye when they got out of school.

So much for Best Friends Forever.

Laura stands at the edge of the canopy. Her arms hang limply at her sides, hands flexing. Carmilla sits still as a statue. She hasn’t turned a page in five minutes. Is this what they are now? Paralyzed by each other.

“We need to talk,” Laura says. Carmilla snorts, probably to keep from doing something gross like crying or curling up into a ball or any of the other things she actually feels like doing.

“No one’s stopping you, sweetheart.” The term of endearment rolls off her tongue before she can stop it. They both feel the sting.

“I just, I don’t know if I can say this like, at all, and it might come off the completely wrong way so please just don’t hate me or anything?”

Carmilla sighs and looks up from her book. So she was right. This is it. Her dark eyes hit Laura like a slap to the face. Laura feels so exposed, just standing there on the edge of this sacred space.

“Okay, now I definitely can’t do it,” she says. Carmilla rolls her eyes.

“Seriously? Then leave.”

“Shut up, Carm. You know we have to get this over with. We can’t just keep avoiding each other until graduation.”

“So spit it out!”

“I can’t do it when you’re looking at me like that!”

“Fine!” Carmilla turns her back to Laura and draws her knees to her chest. Laura fidgets. No, no this isn’t right either.

“Well?”

“Shut up!” Laura snaps. She zips over and sits down behind Carmilla so they’re back to back. She can feel Carmilla breathing, feel her muscles tense as their bodies press together. Laura breathes, in and out, in and out.

“I don’t want anything to change between us,” she says. Carmilla quirks an eyebrow up in surprise, her heart beating faster at the prospect of hope.

“Neither do I,” she replies.

“Good. Yeah. Um. Here’s the thing. I really, really liked kissing you.”

Oh.

“I know it’s weird but I can’t just pretend it wasn’t… nice, y’know?” Laura adds when Carmilla doesn’t say anything. Carmilla bites her lip.

“Yeah. It could be worse, I guess,” she murmurs.

“What?”

“I mean, I could’ve hated it,” Carmilla explains. Laura’s eyes widen.

“You mean…”

“You’re my best friend, cupcake. Forever. Shit’s bound to happen right? You’re a pretty good kisser, actually.”

Laura turns to face Carmilla and Carmilla follows. Their hands twine together on top of their thighs, tentative in grip.

“So what happens now? Are we just going to pretend like it never happened, go off to college next year, never speak of it again?” Laura asks. Carmilla shrugs.

“I don’t think it’d be completely terrible if it happened again,” she says.

“Oh, but, not in a dating kind of way, right?”

“Christ, Laura, no. Come on, look into my eyes and tell me you want to take a romantic stroll down the lane or something.”

Laura looks up and immediately bursts out laughing. Carmilla cracks a smile and winds her arm around Laura’s shoulders.

“See? We’re just best friends.”

“Yeah, who kiss sometimes…. and maybe some other stuff?” Laura suggests. Carmilla raises an eyebrow and looks her up and down.

“Meh, I guess you’re cute enough.”

“Excuse me?!?”

Carmilla laughs and plants a kiss on Laura’s forehead. Laura pouts and gets her back with a kiss on the cheek. The third time their lips come together without hesitation. Laura shifts so her knees are on Carmilla’s thigh, her hand coming up to drag through Carmilla’s hair. Carmilla tightens her grip on Laura’s shoulder and lightly strokes her hip. When they part they lean their foreheads together, sitting quietly in the last moments of light. The sun is no longer in the sky, the clouds dark grey against faint blue.

“Friends with Benefits,” Laura says softly.

“Casual as it can be, creampuff,” Carmilla replies.

~~~~~~~~

Laura takes the stairs two at a time. The stains sunk into the concrete are almost familiar enough to ignore after three months in the second floor apartment. It’d been Carmilla’s idea to move early, more prospective jobs in the city and all that. Laura had gotten a job at a little cafe on the corner, Carmilla opting for a more traditional job at the bookstore around the corner. Life is good, if she doesn’t think too hard about the mold under the kitchen sink or the way the air conditioning sounds like an unbalanced wind turbine. Life is good.

She nearly drops her keys twice trying to get them in the door. The combination kitchen/dining/ living area is void of human life, though plenty of miscellaneous items are strewn about. It used to bother her, and, okay, it still kinda does, but at least Carmilla had improved since they moved in. The first couple of weeks the apartment had been a constant tornado of stuff. Now it was… a slightly smaller tornado?

Laura ignores the mess and heads straight for Carmilla’s bedroom. The door is open and Carmilla is sitting in the center of her bed wearing nothing but lacy black panties and a Metallica tank top. An intricate leather journal sits on the cross of her legs, her expensive black pen twirling between her fingers. Laura leans in the doorway, slipping her back-pack from her shoulder and leaning it against the wall.

“Look who’s returned from her last day at her shitty summer job,” Carmilla says without looking up.

“That’s me! Now all I have to do is show up for class tomorrow and I’ll officially be a college freshman,” Laura says.

“Aren’t you officially a student when you enroll in classes?” Carmilla asks, looking up at Laura through her bangs. Laura shrugs and shuffles her feet, arms crossing as she licks her lips.

“Fuck, Laura, come on. What?”

“It’s nothing,” Laura sighs, “Or at least it’s stupid, so it’s as good as nothing.”

Carmilla rolls her eyes and pats the space behind her. Laura frowns and hops up on the bed. She leans against Carmilla, wiggling into a comfortable position. Carmilla scoffs quietly. She can feel the tension in Laura’s spine against her own, it’s so immense.

“What if it doesn’t go well?” Laura asks.

“That’s it? "

Laura swats at Carmilla and slumps further into her back.

“I just want it to be perfect! What if I fail all my classes? It’s not like that is totally out of the realm of possibility. College is supposed to be way harder than high school and I just barely got a 3.5 as it is. Maybe I won’t make any friends. Maybe everyone will hate me! Maybe the school will burn down in the first week and I never finish my degree which means I can’t get a job leading to the inevitable canceling of that trip we promised to take to Europe after I graduate and-”

“Laura! None of that is going to happen!”

“But something could happen and all I can do is wait for it,” Laura whines. Carmilla snickers and throws her writing utensils on the floor.

“I never realized you were such a worrier.”

“I’m not!”

“Mmmm right, because the school burning down is totally plausible,” Carmilla teases.

“It’s just weird, y’know. What happens at this school could make or break my future career and that’s like, the rest of my life stuff,” she murmurs.

“Well, I hate to break it to you, but you’re going to pass all your classes and meet a ton of people and graduate four years from now with a cutting edge job in the field of your choice,” Carmilla drones. Laura smiles softly and places her hand over Carmilla’s.

“Thanks, Carm.”

Carmilla shrugs, “someone had to say it.”

Laura sits up, scooting so they’re partially facing each other, and wraps her arms around her knees.

“How’d your day go?”

“Eh, work was boring. I signed up for another workshop down at the community college; something about character development… And then I spent the rest of the day working on a few short stories I never finished,” Carmilla says.

“Wow, you were pretty busy,” Laura comments. They fall into silence, Carmilla watching Laura carefully. The wild look is still sparkling in her eye, and her bottom lip is caught between her teeth in a vice grip.

“You’re still stressed,” Carmilla says.

“No, I’m just… thinking about all the things I have to do before tomorrow. Pack my books, find something to wear, get my schedule…”

“Sounds like stress.”

“I’m fine!” Laura insists.

“Y’know, there’s this really fun thing we can do that happens to be very relaxing,” Carmilla drawls. Heat blossoms in Laura’s chest and she squirms. She knows she shouldn’t. She has things to do. Important things.

“Sex is only a temporary fix and you know that,” she warns. Carmilla raises an eyebrow at her.

“What? My responsibilities aren’t going to magically disappear just because you’re fantastic at orgasms!” She’s trying to be firm, really, honestly, but she can’t help the smile creeping across her face.

“It’s up to you, sweetheart,” Carmilla says softly. Laura sighs and makes a mental note to forgive herself for the procrastination at a later date.

“Please just give me a fantastic orgasm.”

Carmilla laughs and pulls Laura forward by her calves. Laura falls back onto Carmilla’s bed, legs falling open in perfect tandem with Carmilla crawling between them. Hips press to thighs, hands to ribs.

“Well, well, you’re looking less constipated by the second,” Carmilla coos. Laura wrinkles her nose, smile unwavering, and runs her hands up Carmilla’s arms.

“Ah yes, constipated, the sexiest of all the words,” she teases. Carmilla smirks and drags her nails over Laura’s sides where her shirt has ridden up. She leans forward to keep her balance, nose brushing with Laura’s. Laura arches into the touch, her legs twitching around Carmilla’s waist.

“Doesn’t seem to have bothered you much,” Carmilla murmurs,

“You are so the worst,” Laura groans, pushing her lips against Carmilla’s. Carmilla sighs into the kiss, lowering her body until they’re pressed together. Laura’s hands skim down her back to cup her ass, pulling Carmilla that much closer to the ache coiling between her legs. Carmilla rolls her hips accordingly, reveling in the tiny moan that falls from Laura’s mouth.

“Any requests?” she asks.

“Good sex?” Laura breathes, her hands sliding beneath Carmilla’s panties. Carmilla half gasps, half growls, her tongue slipping passed Laura’s parted lips. Laura moans loudly, hips thrusting up into Carmilla’s again, chest straining against Carmilla’s weight as her lungs work overtime. Her legs can’t seem to decide whether they should tighten around Carmilla’s hips or fall open to let her in. Laura can’t get a coherent thought together to tell them what to do.

Carmilla drags her hands up under Laura’s shirt and strokes her breasts through her bra. Laura whimpers, nails digging into smooth skin and taut muscle. It takes Carmilla mere seconds to push her hands around Laura’s back and pull her up off the bed to undo the clasp. Laura let’s go for just a moment, frantically whipping off her shirt and bra in one go. The second they’re clear, Laura’s mouth latches onto Carmilla’s neck. Carmilla groans, nails digging into Laura’s bare back, hips jerking at the pressure of teeth against her skin.

Gently, so gently, she guides Laura back to the mattress. Her hands slide from Laura’s back, down her chest and stomach, to the button on her jeans. It comes undone without a fight, Laura lifting her hips impatiently.

“Carm, please,” she whimpers. Carmilla feels her heart constrict in her chest at the sound of her name on Laura’s lips. God, she needs to fuck this girl.

Carmilla pulls Laura’s pants and underwear down in one go. Laura kicks them off as Carmilla repositions herself, her hands wandering up Carmilla’s stomach. Carmilla hisses, Laura’s fingers sparking lightning in her veins.

“Fuck, cupcake.” Laura grins and presses her thigh between Carmilla’s legs, simultaneously spreading herself open. Carmilla grinds down on Laura, panties soaked through, lips finding Laura’s neck like an oasis. Their breasts slide together, hips rolling in time with each other. One of Carmilla’s hands moves up to Laura’s chest, the other one down, down until she’s holding Laura’s dripping core in the palm of her hand, soft brown curls tickling her wrist. Laura’s let’s out a shaky breath, eyes wide. Her nails dig into Carmilla’s back, legs trembling.

Carmilla kisses up to her chin, kisses her lips. Her fingers stroke along Laura’s entrance, slipping slowly inside. Laura cries out against Carmilla’s mouth and squeezes her eyes shut. The rhythm is already there, waiting for them, so easy to fall back into they might as well be riding bikes.

Laura can no longer hold back the noises tripping off her tongue, hips rocking into carmilla’s hand to take her in farther, harder, faster. She can feel them stroking along her walls, circling her clit, soft and warm and so, so perfect. The taut ball of heat in her belly writhes with her, expands until she can feel it seeping into her mind, filling her heart, breaking her in half and cradling the pieces in bliss.

Carmilla feels Laura go stiff under her, muscles tightening around her fingers. She brings the pace down slowly, her own heart in her throat beating fast and hard. Laura’s hands loosen around her shoulders, body going limp. Carmilla pulls her hand away and wipes it on the sheets. Laura snuggles into her the second Carmilla lays down, hands wary of the red welts across Carmilla’s shoulder blades. Carmilla leans her forehead on Laura’s and gets a kiss on the nose for her trouble.

“Welcome back,” she whispers.

“Mmmm, you are so good at that,” Laura mumbles.

“Practice makes perfect.”

Laura’s eyes flutter open and she smiles mischievously.

“Guess I have some catching up to do then, huh?”

Carmilla tries to think of a witty response, but discovers it’s a little beyond her capabilities with Laura’s hand in her panties like that. Her eyes roll back and she grips Laura a little tighter. Fuck this was a good idea. Fuck fuck fuck.

~~~~~~~

Laura’s phone alarm goes off bright and early the next morning. Light dances through the window over the bed, cold morning air hanging crisp above their heads. Laura’s eyes fly open and she rockets out of bed, the arms around her sliding away as Carmilla buries her face further into the pillows. Laura finds the phone on the floor, quiets the alarm, and crawls back under the covers.

“Sorry,” she whispers, fingers combing through Carmilla’s hair. Carmilla swats at her with a limp hand.

“Get your ass out of my bed and get ready for school, moron,” Carmilla growls. Laura giggles, presses a kiss to Carmilla’s hair, and bounces down the hall to her room.

She’s going to college.

Carmilla is still sleeping when Laura skips out the door an hour later. The smile plastered to her face is nothing short of radiant. The sky is clear, the morning is warm. Nothing could possibly ruin her first day. On an unrelated note, she’d just barely remembered to pack the safety supplies her dad had sent her. Nothing. Was going. To ruin. This day.

Campus is a wide and sprawling conglomeration of old stone buildings, interspersed with green lawns and gnarled trees. Students pour over the grounds, a rainbow of life in energetic frenzy. Laura finds herself in awe, delighted by the rush as people dart to class and track down friends. This is going to be awesome.

Her first class is the required introductory literary class. It sounds easy but will probably come back to bite her some time down the line. The lecture hall is large, cold, and sparse. A woman who looks like she might be the professor sits with her head in her hands at the front, a pile of texts on the table in front of her. Laura takes a seat in the middle of the fourth row and quietly arranges her things on her desk. There. Perfect.

Other students trickle in slowly, all keeping their respective distance from each other. A few groups come in, a couple of boys who crowd together in the back and a group of girls in track clothes sticking out the most. The girls sit behind Laura, whispering to each other liberally about how their legs ache or what they’re doing after class.

All of a sudden a boy with a shaved head and a t-shirt that says “Bros before Does” (cheesy deer picture included) drops into the seat next to Laura.

“Eeeey, what’s up? First day, huh? What’s your name little hottie?”

“Uh, Laura?” She tries to scoot away as discreetly as she can but the guy leans over into her space without even noticing.

“They call me Kirsch, which is my last name, but whatever y’know? I’m actually a junior but I didn’t pass this class freshman year, which is a serious fun killer. Kinda nice though, being in a class with all the freshmen hotties,” he says, winking at her.

“Oh wow,” Laura grimaces.

“So, what do you do in your spare time? I have you pegged for one of those sexy yoga girls…”

“Okay, so I was looking forward to sitting alone,” Laura says firmly.

“We are alone,” Kirsch says, wiggling his eyebrows. Wow, a guy who literally cannot take a hint

Laura feels her stomach flip and reaches around for her pepper spray. A hand lands on Kirsch’s shoulder and the tall redhead sitting with the girls behind them leans over the row.

“Hey Kirsch, there’s this favor I need, um, could you like, screw off?” the girl asks sweetly. Kirsch scowls at her.

“That is totally uncool! Why you gotta be like that, Danny?”

“This freshman very obviously does not want you hitting on her. It’s gross and invasive, caveman bob,” Danny hisses.

“Fine, you don’t have to be an asshole about it,” Kirsch whines, getting up and switching to a seat across the aisle.

“You’d be surprised,” Danny mutters. She smiles at Laura and sticks out her hand. “Hi. Name’s Danny.” Danny’s hand is smooth and cool against her own. And that smile, holy fishsticks. Laura swallows and moves her face into what she thinks might be smiling. It’s kinda hard to tell when she has no idea which way is up.

“Laura. Thanks for that. I don’t know why I didn’t just punch him in the throat,” she rambles, blushing at her inability to just shut up, oh my god, shut up!

Danny laughs and leans back into her seat. The girls she’s sitting with have moved on in conversation, effectively cutting Danny out of their circle. “S’okay. Kirsch and I go way back.”

“Oh, you mean, you aren’t a freshman?” Laura asks.

“Nope. I’m a junior. I’m not actually in this class at all, but some of the summer society pledges were worried they wouldn’t be able to find the hall, so I came with.” She nods at the girls sitting next to her as if that explains the whole thing, and then she smiles again.

“Isn’t that the women’s athletic group?” Laura asks.

“Yep! We do everything around here, including the Adonis hunt. That’s in the spring though, so it’s not for a while,” Danny says, wrinkling her nose.

“Wow, awesome. So….”

At the front of the classroom the professor stands up and begins to write on the board. Danny winces and stands up.

“Sorry, that’s my cue,” she whispers. Laura panics, her fingers bunching up in her lap as she tries to think of what to say.

“Wait, are you going to be here next time?” she asks. Danny looks her in the eye and smirks.

“Maybe, now that I know you’re here.”

Laura watches Danny retreat out the back door of the classroom in dazed wonder.

Holy. Crap.

She’s still running the conversation over in her mind when she wanders back to the apartment after class. Carmilla is standing in the kitchen stirring tea in her silky black bathrobe. She smirks at Laura and rests her arms on the counter.

“So how many firemen came when the school burned down?”

Laura laughs and shakes her head, her grin widening. Carmilla tilts her head. Something is different. Good different.

“Well?” she asks. Laura shrugs, throwing up her hands.

“I just…” she sighs wistfully, looking at Carmilla in thinly veiled excitement, “I met someone.”


	2. Chapter 2

Laura wakes up a whole half hour before her Wednesday alarm. She blinks in confusion and looks around her room. Why was she….

Oh, right.

She grins and burrows down into her comforter. Today is the day she might see Danny again.

The arm around her waist tightens and Carmilla shifts in her sleep to curl closer. Laura turns toward her, admiring the peaceful look on Carmilla’s face. She reaches forward and fixes Carmilla’s bangs, lightly caressing the smooth skin below her ear as she tucks the loose hair back. Their bare legs are tangled together under the sheet, Carmilla’s palm flat on Laura’s back. Laura knows she could go if she wanted to, but a few more minutes won’t hurt. She just has to be careful she doesn’t wake Carmilla.

Which is when the pinching sensation in her nose flairs right up.

“No no no,” she whispers, holding her hands over her face. She holds her breath and slowly the feeling subsides. Laura relaxes. Oh thank-

She sneezes. Hard.

Carmilla stirs, her faces scrunching up as her arm loosens around Laura. Laura cringes.

“Nooooo, no, shhhhhhh, please dont-”

Carmilla’s eyes flutter open and she blinks at Laura. Laura momentarily forgets to look guilty, so captivated by the gentle innocence that flits across Carmilla’s face. It never lasts for long.

“What time is it?” Carmilla groans, closing her eyes and dropping her head back onto Laura’s pillow.

“You really don’t want to know,” Laura whispers. Carmilla cracks one eye open and stares at her.

“You’re exceptionally perky for this godforsaken hour.”

“Oh god, you can tell? She’s totally going to notice,” Laura grumbles. She falls back with a defeated groan. Carmilla narrows her eyes, the wheels turning in her head. She wants to go back to sleep as much as the next cranky bastard, but teasing Laura is not an opportunity she’s about to pass up.

“So it’s your ginger goddess that has you all wound up. Y’know I’m starting to think you have a type.”

“Um, what? Danny is nothing like any of the other people I’ve dated,” Laura argues. Carmilla raises an eyebrow at her.

“Tall, cheery, kinda mouthy…. sounds awfully similar to Sadie, y’know, your old coworker? And gee, what is with you and older girls? Carmen and Sadie were both at least a year older than you. Not to mention Tanya, who fits into all of those categories except the cheerful one. But hey, don’t sweat it, your affinity for older, giant puppy dogs is safe with me,” Carmilla teases. Laura covers her face with her hands, unable to stop a smile from forming on her lips.

“You can’t just reduce them all to four traits! You never met any of them!” she whines.

“And thank god for that. They probably would have bored me half to death,” Carmilla smirks. Laura sighs dramatically and rolls out of bed.

“Like you’ve dated anyone better,” she accuses. Carmilla sits up and scoffs, spreading her arms wide.

“Um, excuse you?”

Laura stops digging through her dresser to look over her shoulder and rolls her eyes. In a single bound she’s back on the bed tipping Carmilla into the mattress. Carmilla grins and wraps her arms around Laura’s neck. Laura’s lips are on hers before she’s stopped sinking into the insanely soft bed, warm and firm. Laura always kisses like she’s on a mission.

“Good morning, my lazy grump,” Laura says as she sits up.

“Good morning, my insufferable brat,” Carmilla replies. She watches Laura get dressed with half-lidded eyes.

“Hey,” she calls out as Laura grabs her bag and heads for the door. Laura whips around.

“I thought you were asleep!”

Carmilla smirks.

“With you walking around in nothing but underwear and my crop top?”

“Get to the point Carmilla!”

“My point is,” she pauses for effect, a wicked little grin lighting up her face, “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

Laura sighs and rolls her eyes so hard she thinks she might actually turn into Carmilla.

“So don’t do anything that’s not borderline delinquent,” she deadpans.

“If you’re going to date boring people you might as well make it interesting,” Carmilla replies.

“Goodbye, Carmilla,” Laura says firmly.

“Satan loves you!” Carmilla calls after her. The front door slams and Carmilla falls back into bed with a smirk. Totally worth missing sleep.

It takes her a while to get back to sleep, but it always does after Laura leaves.

~~~~~~~~

Carmilla walks into work fifteen minutes late, cursing, and holding a common household mug of coffee. The one or two customers in the bookshop jump out of her way in fright. Perry puts her hands on her hips and glares from behind the counter. Carmilla plows past her into the back room without looking up and throws her things down at her desk.

“Late and rude? Really, can’t you just pick one?” Perry asks.

“Any particular criteria I should use to make the decision? Oh, maybe we should interview people! See which one they hate more so I can keep it around,” Carmilla snaps back.

Laf walks in from the storage room, glances at the two of them, and looks into the camera like they’re on the office.

“Seriously guys, it’s been less than thirty seconds.”

“Remind me again why we let her act this way in front of customers?” Perry demands.

“Perr, she doesn’t even work with the customers!”

“And I can find you rare books at a tenth of the price, which is the only thing keeping this DIY operation running,” Carmilla drawls.

Perry crosses her arm and taps her foot, eyes darting from one of them to the other. Laf tilts their head to the side, expression firm.

“Fine, but if you’re going to come in here and stomp around, do it through the back door!” Perry hisses.

“That’s what she said,” Carmilla mutters.

Laf bites their lip to keep from laughing. Perry, fortunately, misses the comment.

“Now, if that’s all, I have business to attend to.” Perry turns on her heel and walks out. Laf looks Carmilla up and down, smirking smugly.

“Rough night?”

“Laura woke me up again.”

“Dude you seriously need to invest in some soundproofing,” Laf says as they fall into their chair. Their desk is a mess of business reports and science experiments. Carmilla looks at her own desk, covered in sales transactions, research, and her own personal writing. It is a miracle they get any work done at all.

“That wouldn’t exactly help,” Carmilla mutters. Laf scrunches up their face.

“What, like she’s using foghorns at six in the morning?”

“Something like that.”

Perry sticks her head into the room, cutting off Laf’s next question.

“Lafontaine, can you check the inventory for the romance section. The computer program just informed me we might be low.”

“Sure thing, Perr.”

“Thank you, dear,” Perry says with a soft smile. Lafontaine visibly melts, their face turning rosy pink all the way up to their ears.

“Yeah no problem.”

Perry nods curtly and disappears again. Carmilla bites her lip to suppress a laugh and fixes Laf with an expectant look.

“What?” Laf asks.

“You two are idiots.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Laf lies, eyes shifting back and forth between Carmilla and the door.

“Oh, so you don’t have a massive crush on Perry that can be seen from outer space?”

Laf shoots up in their chair, leaning forward to see if Perry is still at the front desk.

“Really? Say it a little louder so the microbes in the wall can hear you!”

“What? Like she doesn’t know?” Carmilla scoffs.

Laf grimaces and shrugs. Carmilla raises her eyebrows.

“Holy shit. Seriously?”

“As far as I can tell she has no idea. I can’t lose her because of this! So just…. don’t say anything! Please?” Laf begs. Carmilla scoffs.

“Do I look the kind of person who gets involved in convoluted personal struggles? No need to worry, ginger nerd.”

Carmilla turns back to her assorted work, intent on letting the subject drop. Laf tilts their head to the side, a triumphant smirk on their lips.

“You’re gonna hate me for this but you’re actually pretty good at this whole friend thing.”

“Careful there, I might get the strange notion to write a love ballad about you two and tape it to the door.”

Laf’s eyes widen. They jump up and dash back into the storage room. Carmilla frowns and cranes her neck to see what they’re up to. They dash back in, a stack of letters in their hands.

“I can’t believe I forgot the mail. I got like three important samples!”

“How the hell did that remind you of the mail?” Carmilla asks. Laf grins and picks a small letter out of the middle. Carmilla freezes. The only mail she’d be getting here would be-

“It’s from that lit mag you submitted to,” Laf says, “I meant to give it to you right when you got here but…”

Carmilla snatches the letter from their hand and tears it open. Laf watches her scan the letter intently. Slowly, she deflates.

“Apparently it’s not what they’re looking for,” she says bitterly. Laf frowns and puts a hand on her shoulder.

“Don’t worry kid, next time,” they assure her.

Carmilla nods, turning the letter over in her hands.

“Do you want to set it on fire?” Laf asks.

“Get your lighter,” Carmilla replies

~~~~~~~~~

The pencil between her fingers is going a million miles an hour, hitting the desk in time with the ticking of the clock over the door. The summer society girls are taking their sweet time getting to class it seems, which means Laura will have even less time to talk to Danny, if any.

They finally pile through the door at thirty seconds before the lecture begins, all matching gym shorts and baseball tees. Danny is no where in sight, not even standing outside the door. Laura sinks into her chair and frowns.

Danny has other classes of course. She has her own life and things to do and it’s entirely possible something had come up. Maybe she was helping someone find their class, or volunteering at the bookstore. Practice could have run late. There could have been an emergency. Kitten trapped in a tree, no crossing guard at the elementary school down the street, bear attack.

Or she is in fact just a random freshman that Danny talked to once and has totally forgotten about.

“Hey, tiny hottie!” Kirsch calls from across the aisle.

“Not interested,” Laura snaps.

“Chill, dude. I was just saying hi,” Kirsch mumbles. Laura cringes. As annoying as he is, he doesn’t deserve her bad attitude on account of Danny.

“Sorry, Kirsch, I’m just… not having a great morning.”

“No worries tiny lady, a bro understands.”

Laura looks at Kirsch curiously.

“Why aren’t you trying to hit on me?” she asks.

“You turned me down on Monday. Unless you wanna…?” he makes a vague gesture.

“No, no I’m good,” Laura interjects quickly. Kirsch thumps his fist to his chest and nods, turning back around to listen to the lecture. Huh, she’d kinda figured he was 100% awful.

Class takes forever without Danny to daydream about. Or with Danny to worry about. Laura sighs in relief when the professor starts wrapping up. She’s so ready to get back home for lunch and drown her sorrows in hot cocoa.

Outside the sun is bright and the sidewalk is packed with people. Laura keeps her eyes trained on the ground in front of her, walking as quickly as she can through the throngs of students milling about on the sidewalk.

Which of course is the perfect recipe for someone to step right in front of her.

Laura runs into them at full speed. The force of it knocks her back and before she can even process that she’s falling strong hands have taken hold of her shoulders and are holding her steady. Laura freezes, face to face with a blue button up and redhair.

“Crap, Laura, hey, are you okay?” a familiar voice says. Laura looks up, eyes widening as she finally catches up.

“Danny, wow, hi. Oh my gosh I totally just ran into you I’m so sorry,” Laura squeaks.

Danny shrugs and lets go of Laura’s shoulders.

“It’s cool, I mean, I did just step into traffic, so…”

“Yeah, right, of course. I thought maybe something happened to you,” Laura blurts out. Danny scrunches up her face.

“You thought something happened to me?”

“Um, yeah, you weren’t in my class this morning,” Laura explains, looking down at her shoes rather than stare her embarrassment right in the face.

“Oh! My upper division sociology class got switched so I could make it to practice! I totally forgot,” Danny apologizes.

“Hey, no worries. I mean, I’m just a random freshman,” Laura jokes. Danny gapes at her.

“No! You’re so much more than some random freshman! I mean, I have no idea what because we’ve only spoken once but I’m sure you’re totally awesome,” Danny argues.

“Thanks,” Laura mumbles.  Danny smiles and shakes her head.

“Y’know, I’m kinda on my way to get a coffee at the shop on the corner. You wanna come?”

Laura hesitates, trying to decide whether or not she just heard Danny correctly or is completely hallucinating.

“Coffee? With me?”

Danny nods.

“Yes, I mean, definitely,” Laura exclaims, a huge grin taking over her face.

Danny jerks her head in the direction of the coffee shop and gestures for Laura to follow. Laura waits until Danny turns to move through the crowd before doing a little victory dance. Yes yes yes!

The shop is nestled in between the only movie rental store still in operation and the school giftshop. They pick a table by the big front window, dark wood polished and shined.

“So how’s your first week going?” Danny asks when they’re both settled. Laura shrugs and stirs an extra three spoonfuls of sugar into her already nearly milk white coffee.

“Class is a lot easier than I expected it to be. Except for history. The reading in that class is insanely dense,” Laura replies.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it. The reading is always the toughest part of intro classes,” Danny reassures her.

“That’s good to know. I’m still super freaked out about midterms though. I mean, what even is that?” Laura complains. Danny laughs and sips her latte.

“Yeah, those can be a little crazy. Please tell me you live somewhere that’s conducive to studying.”

“I’m in a little apartment a few blocks from here. Quiet and as conducive to studying as you can get,” Laura promises.

“No room mate?” Danny asks.

“Oh yeah, Carmilla. She’s not a student though, she’s like trying to make her way in the world before she spends thousands on school that she can’t afford,” Laura explains.

“Nice! Did you like, find her online or something? You’re not from around here are you?”

“No, I’m from a little town up in the middle of nowhere.”

“Ah, see, you seem like the small town type. What about Carmilla?”

Laura freezes. The feeling of Carmilla’s lips on hers, those arms around her with the early morning light pouring in, mere hours old, come back to her in a rush. Right. Her relationship with Carmilla.

“Oh we’re friends. Y’know, the kind that hang out and do things sometimes, all that normal friend stuff,” Laura stutters.

Danny doesn’t seem to notice her nervousness, skipping right over it to talk about all the fun things on campus she can introduce Laura too. Laura sighs in relief. She’ll tell Danny about Carmilla one day. Really. Just. After she knows whether Danny is her friend or if…. they can be more. No need to jump the gun on personal info, right?

~~~~~~~~~

Carmilla is moping on the couch when Laura skips into the apartment after her last class of the day. Her knees are held to her chest, pale fingers locked around the fabric of her sweatpants as her legs dangle over the arm of the couch. She stops staring out the window to glance back at Laura, eyes dull and angry. Laura’s smile falters. She knows that look.

“Bad day at work?” she asks, dropping her bag and grabbing a cookie off the counter. Carmilla’s shoulders rise and fall with a loud exhale.

“You could say that.”

Laura pads over to the couch and snuggles up behind Carmilla, back to back. Carmilla leans into her, head dropping onto Laura’s shoulder.

“Come on, ya big gargoyle, what’s up,” Laura prods.

“One of the lit mags I submitted to wrote back,” Carmilla, “Turns out they don’t want any of my work either.”

“Oh… so that’s....”

“Three this month,” Carmilla confirms. Laura frowns and turns so that she can wrap her arms around Carmilla’s middle.

“Well those people don’t know what they’re missing. You’re a great writer, Carm,” Laura insists. Carmilla smiles and squeezes Laura’s hand.

“I don’t even know why I thought I was good enough to submit anything. We’re nineteen, Laura. Other writers have degrees and decades of practice. God, I shouldn’t have even bothered,” she sighs.

Laura presses a kiss just above the collar of Carmilla’s t-shirt. Carmilla turns in her arms and flops over into Laura’s chest like a large, unmotivated feline. The strange twisting movement exposes the skin along her side and Laura strokes her bare hip with the lightest touch she can muster.

“Everyone has to start somewhere,” she says firmly. Carmilla snorts against Laura’s collarbone.

“I don’t think it counts as starting when you’ve been writing your whole life, cupcake.”

Laura shrugs, her hand dipping below the waistband of Carmilla’s sweatpants absentmindedly. Carmilla melts further into her with a short huff. The soft touches pull the tension from her lungs and she breathes deeply, fingers curling into Laura’s shirt. The positive response only makes Laura reach farther, her caresses firmer and longer. Carmilla leans into her, nuzzling Laura’s neck encouragingly.

Laura bites her lip and tries to get her breathing under control. She gently guides Carmilla onto her back, careful to keep her close. Carmilla pulls her legs up so that Laura can get on her knees, hands running up and down Carmilla’s sides as she places kiss after kiss on Carmilla’s temple. Carmilla lets out a shaky groan when Laura pulls down her sweatpants. Every part of her aches for more, every part buzzing with Laura’s touch.

Laura sucks in a deep breath at the noise, her heart skipping in her chest. She scoots down and lifts Carmilla’s shirt, kissing between her ribs first, then just above her belly button. Carmilla arches into the touch, head rolling back against the arm of the couch. Laura digs her fingers into the Carmilla’s soft thighs and guides them around her shoulders, leaving soft marks down Carmilla’s stomach until she’s sliding down and burying her face between Carmilla’s legs.

Carmilla whimpers when Laura’s tongue presses against her clit, reaching down to pry Laura’s hand off her thigh and tangle their fingers together. Her other hand clings to the couch, hips rocking in time with Laura’s tongue inside of her. Laura moans against Carmilla, alternating between long hard licks and sucking at her clit. She can feel Carmilla getting close from the way her legs tremble and tense. Laura presses harder, speeding up until she can hardly tell what she’s doing anymore.

Carmilla swears loudly as the pleasure breaks, washing over her in every direction. Her chest is still heaving when she opens her eyes, every muscle in her body limp and warm with calm. Laura smiles up at her from where she’s snuggled into Carmilla’s hip, her hand make lazy patterns on the knee still over her shoulder. Carmilla shakes her head, a smirk dancing across her lips.

“C’mere” she breathes, tugging Laura up into the crook of her arm. Laura lays her head on Carmilla’s chest and listens to her heart beat, the soft steady rhythm satisfying her that everything will be okay.

“Remind me to be in a shitty move more often,” Carmilla sighs.

“No fair! Using my insatiable need to cheer you up as sex bait is so cheating!” Laura laughs.

“I like to think of it as creative rule interpretation,” Carmilla teases.

“Ugh, the things I go through for you,” Laura groans.

“Oh, shut up, you love it,” Carmilla scoffs. Laura stares at her, the smile slipping from her face. Carmilla raises an eyebrow at her but Laura just let’s out a little laugh and shakes her head.

“Yeah, I do,” she agrees. Carmilla smirks and lifts Laura’s hand to her lips for a kiss before holding it over her heart.

“Did you see that girl today?” Carmilla asks. Laura smiles broadly.

“We, uh, sort of had coffee? I nearly ran her over on the way home and she just invited me like it was nothing. Me, a freshman!” she exclaims. Carmilla rolls her eyes.

“Nice, cupcake. Just like you to woo a girl with your clumsy, reckless nature. Ever heard of a graceful entrance?”

“I’ll have you know it was very romantic comedy,” Laura declares. Carmilla cringes.

“You did not just say that.”

“What? Romantic comedies are the best thing ever!”

“That is literally the nerdiest thing I have ever heard.”

“Says the girl who can quote shakespeare drunk at three in the morning!”

“Um, I hate to break it to you short stuff, but quoting shakespeare is ridiculously classy.”

“Yeah, whatever you say you gigantic nerd.”

Carmilla shakes her head and closes her eyes.

“Just be careful, okay?”

Laura nods and kisses her cheek.

“I’ll do my best.”

Carmilla snorts and wraps her arms tighter around Laura. One could only hope.


	3. Chapter 3

When Carmilla walks into work a few days later, Laf and Perry are huddled around some weird poster at the front counter. Laf is muttering something about light mechanics and mirrors as Perry jots down restaurants that deliver appetizers.

“Let me guess, another one of those weird book signings for authors no one has ever heard of?” Carmilla asks as she glides past them. Laf chuckles under their breath.

“Oh, it’s much better than that.”

Carmilla stops, considers it, and takes a few steps back to look over their shoulder. Her eyebrows fly up, a sneer forming in record time.

“Please tell me I don’t have to work that night.”

Perry clucks irritably and folds her list neatly before tucking it into her pocket. As she steps back Carmilla is afforded an even better look at the pits of hell, aka a poster for “Poetry Night Open Mic.” It makes her skin crawl just looking at it.

“Don’t worry. Lafontaine has insisted that you be given the night off.”

“I knew I tolerated you for a reason,” Carmilla sighs, Poking Laf on the shoulder as she continues to her desk.

“Oh I wouldn’t be so sure,” Perry quips. Carmilla stops in the door and turns around, eyes narrowed.

“She’s giving you the night off on one condition,” Lafontaine explains. Carmilla somehow manages to look even less impressed.

“And?”

“You have to read something at the open mic night.”

“Oh, no. I am not doing anything associated with this awful clusterfuck,” Carmilla declares.

“Jeez, hear me out wouldya? So as you know Perry has some connections in the publishing world, not huge or anything, but she happened to have dinner with her parents over the weekend and they brought a guest,” Lafontaine continues.

“And what does that have to do with me?” Carmilla asks.

“Rupert Henderson,” Perry sighs.

“What?”

“The guest my parents had, his name is Rupert Henderson. He’s the editor for a literary Magazine. Queerly.”

Carmilla’s mouth falls open and she looks between the two of them.

“Please tell me this is not some sick fucking joke.”

“Perry convinced him to come to the open mic night and might have mentioned that one of our very own employees is quite the writer. Now, he’s not a poetry guy, but he said that if it’s good he might consider looking at your prose which is totally awesome, right?” Lafontaine exclaims excitedly.

“You’re fucking with me,” Carmilla whispers, her eyes fixed on the poster.

“Dude, I pledge to you on my scouts honor, though I may or may not have been kicked out, that this guys is definitely going to be there.”

“But I don’t do poetry! What am I supposed to write about?” Carmilla snaps.

“I don’t know but you better pick something fast. This gig is happening in two months whether you’re ready or not,” Laf says.

“We already ordered the posters,” Perry explains. The bell above the door rings and a group of tourists wander into the shop.

“You’ll think of something,” Laf reassures her, rushing over to welcome the new potential customers.

“Wonderful,” Carmilla mutters. She walks into the back room and throws her things onto her desk. She stares at the work she has to do for the day, her mind working a mile a minute to solve the newest problem in the queue. She smirks and sticks her head back out the door.

“Hey Perry.”

Perry looks up curiously.

“Thanks,” Carmilla says.

“Oh. You’re welcome, Carmilla” Perry replies, her nose scrunching in confusion. Carmilla huffs in amusement and disappears again. Perry stares at the vacated spot for a moment. Well then.

~~~~~~~~~

Laura dashes up the steps of the library, books clutched to her chest. She has a study date, an actual honest to beaver study date with Danny, and she’s going to be late. If only her history professor hadn’t insisted on getting through the entire powerpoint regardless of time or space or “spirits”, whatever that means.

The library is quiet and bright, full of big windows and smiling librarians. Laura follows the directions Danny texted her earlier and soon finds herself in the maze of the stacks, weaving in and out of sections she didn’t even knew libraries had. All at once they open up and she’s standing in front of a fireplace with a few chairs and a table crowded around in front of it. Anything cosier would probably burn the whole place down.

Danny looks up from her notes spread out on the table and smiles.

“Look at you, frosh. You found it all on your own,” she says. Laura grins and dumps her books on the table.

“Yep, that’s me, the super duper finder!”

“Did you bring your history homework? Your prof didn’t go too crazy with the reading did they?” Danny asks. Laura makes a face and pulls out the assignment.

“Oh y’know, just a five page paper on something I don’t understand at all,” she grumbles. Danny chuckles and looks over the assignment.

“I remember this! Okay, this is going to be so easy. The ottoman empire is great because it lasted for so long that you can kinda screw around with the topic and get away with not talking about the whole thing, right? You just have to be consistent….”

Laura watches Danny with rapt attention. Okay, so maybe her crush being able to spout mindless history jargon with no trouble at all is kinda a massive turn-on.

“Laura?”

“Huh, what?” Laura says. Danny sighs.

“I asked what time period you wanted to work with.”

“Right, yeah, uh, can we just start with the most straightforward one and go from there?” she asks.

“We certainly can,” Danny laughs. Laura lets out a sigh of relief. Nailed it.

At least she got one thing right.

“Wait, did they expand to egypt before or after they took Constantinople?” Laura asks a few hours later. Danny sighs and points to the section again.

“After. And after that was when they conquered Hungary… sort of… A lot of it,” Danny explains again.

“Ugh, I just do not have the capacity for this kind of stuff. How do dates even work?” Laura whines, dropping her head onto her notebook.

“Noooooo, you can totally do this! We already got through two whole chapters, which is like sixty pages of reading so dense it could scare a jungle,” Danny insists.

“Ahem?”

Danny and Laura jump. The librarian is standing at the mouth of the little alcove. She stares over her glasses at them, lips pursed.

“I’m afraid the library is closing, dears,” she says.

“But it’s only five. Did something happen?” Danny asks worriedly.

“Budget cuts mostly, but we’re also switching out some of the older volumes this week. I’m sorry to cut into your study time, but I can’t let you stay,” she apologizes.

“It’s okay Greta, we understand,” Danny smiles.

“I hope you and your friend had a good time, Miss Danny,” Greta murmurs. She smiles and disappears in a cloud of book dust.

“Miss Danny?” Laura asks.

“Greta has called me that since the first time I ever set foot in the library. She said I reminded her of those heroines in the old prairie novels. Strong and graceful or something. It’s been Miss Danny ever since,” Danny explains.

“That is so cute,” Laura laughs.

“Yeah, I mean, I guess” Danny says, a blush blossoming on her cheeks. They stare at each other for a moment, bright and happy.

“Right, so, I guess that’s it for studying for the day,” Laura says, turning back to her books

“We could also keep studying somewhere else. The coffee shop or something?” Danny suggests.

“Coffee and studying are not two things I do not do well at the same time,” Laura cringes.

“What about the summer society house? It’s a bit of a walk, though.”

“We could go to my place,” Laura says, registering the words only after they are laying there on the table, helpless and dying, “I mean, y’know, it’s closer and quiet so we can do a lot of stuff, I mean, get a lot of stuff done.”

“Yeah, totally. You’re roommate won’t mind?” Danny asks.

“She’s at work all day so I doubt she cares,” Laura explains.

“She sounds interesting,” Danny muses. Laura shakes her head and starts gathering her things.

“You have no idea.”

The walk back is relatively quick, what with Laura trying to keep up with Danny’s long legs. Carmilla is in fact gone, evidenced by the perfect silence when they walked in. A note sits on the kitchen counter.

“Oh, she’s working late tonight stocking books,” Laura reads.

“Where does she work?” Danny asks.

“In a bookshop down the street. She’s a writer so it’s kinda her thing,” Laura explains, leading the way back to her room.

“Wow, nice place Hollis. You like it here?” Danny asks as she flops down on Laura’s bed.

“As of today I have no complaints,” Laura replies, never taking her eyes off of Danny.

“Right on,” Danny says, “Now where were we?”

Laura groans and pulls out her books.

“I’m so glad you agreed to help me. This class hates me.”

“Yeah, I’m glad, too,” Danny says. Laura blushes and takes a spot on the bed next to her. Something lacy and black catches her eye from under her pillow. Laura grimaces and nudges Carmilla’s underwear out of sight as discreetly as she can. Danny misses it, too absorbed in explaining the relationship between medieval empires to feel Laura moving beside her.

Laura sighs in relief. There, now nothing could possibly go wrong.

~~~~~~~~~

Carmilla trudges home sometime around eleven, bone tired from lifting books for several eternal hours. The apartment is dark and still, illuminated only by the light from the lamppost outside the window. Carmilla glides silently through the kitchen to the hall and stands next to Laura’s bedroom. The door is closed, which doesn’t happen often, though it’s not exactly unheard of. Carmilla listens for any sign that Laura might still be awake but nothing comes. Oh well, she’ll see her in the morning. Laura’s first class doesn’t start until one anyway.

Carmilla continues to her room and shuts the door softly.

In minutes, with the addition of Carmilla, all the inhabitants of the apartment are asleep.

All three of them.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guy, just a heads up but chapter five might be up a little late. In the mean time feel free to come bother me at heylittleyahtzee.tumblr.com! I like questions and giving out really spoilery teasers, so have at it!

The metallic crash is far off, dulled but still loud enough to pull Carmilla from sleep. It’s nearly ten, a whole half an hour before her alarm goes off. Outside is dark with clouds and twice as rainy. Weird, yesterday had been bright and sunny. Carmilla sighs and crawls out of bed to find her bathrobe. The weather was bound to change some time.

She slips out of her room and down the hall towards the light in the kitchen. By the sounds drifting around the corner Laura is definitely doing something crazy. Carmilla hopes to god she’s not trying to make dutch babies again. That disaster had only barely ended with the house standing.

“Please tell me you didn’t print a recipe off from the internet,” she says as she comes around the corner.

The giant redhead bent over the sink looks at her with wide eyes. Carmilla blinks back, eyes narrowing. Definitely. Not. Laura.

“Hi! You must be Carmilla,” the magic ginger ent says.

“Danny,” Carmilla guesses.

“Laura told you about me?” the unfortunate Danny asks in surprise.

“In passing,” Carmilla offers.

“Oh, cool!” She’s energetic and enthusiastic and everything Laura said she was.

Carmilla really wants to punch her in the face.

“Yeah, cool,” Carmilla mutters, moving to the fridge to dig for breakfast.

“So how long have you two known each other?” Danny asks, dropping a frying pan on the stove and cracking a few eggs. Carmilla stares at her. She has to be kidding.

“Our entire lives. We threw dirt at each other in daycare and we’ve been best friends ever since.”

“Wow, that’s so awesome. I wish I had a friend like that!” Danny says. Laura runs in frantically towelling her hair dry. Carmilla looks at her, eyebrows raised so high they might as well be in space. Laura grimaces sheepishly.

“Hey, so, Danny sort of stayed the night by accident?”

“Is that what the kids are calling it these days?” Carmilla drawls.

“We were studying and it got late. I must have fallen asleep while Laura was memorizing stuff outloud,” Danny explains, anxiously looking between the two of them.

“Adorable. Laura?” Carmilla inclines her head towards the hallway and stalks out of the kitchen. Laura follows, tugging Carmilla into the bathroom and shutting the door behind them. It’s a tight fit, but she’d be lying if she said they hadn’t shared the bathroom quite a few times before.

“It isn’t what it looks like,” she says.

“Really? So you didn’t sleep with the hot girl who just woke up in your room and is now making you breakfast?” Carmilla asks, crossing her arms.

“Not even remotely. We really did just fall asleep. I was reading out loud and she closed her eyes and the next thing I know she’s asleep and I was so tired I just… passed out, too. I thought I’d wake up and be able to come tell you she was here before you two actually met, but apparently she is not the type to stay put when you tell her to,” Laura rambles.

“Wow, the first girl you ever bring home and you can’t even keep her to yourself. I’m impressed, sweetheart,” Carmilla says.

“Carmilla, don’t. I know you hate surprises but she’s going to be gone soon and it’ll never happen again, okay? Next time she comes over I’ll tell you with plenty of advanced notice.”

“Oh so this is a next time kinda thing. Well that’s good to know.”

“Carmilla….”

“Y’know I’m not even that pissed she’s here. Sure, I wanted to throw her out the window when I saw her in our kitchen, but what really got to me is the way she had no idea that we’ve been friends since we were kids.”

Laura stops cold. Oh.

“I was going to tell her.”

Carmilla nods slowly, her eyes dark with distrust.

“Did you ever tell any of them? Did I ever even come up?”

Laura cringes. This is definitely not what she’d had on her to-do list for today.

“I mean, I’ve never gone on more than one or two dates with anyone. Maybe I should have said something… but it’s not like it was ever exclusive or official and I don’t even know if Danny likes me, let alone if anything will ever happen. I just wanted to wait for the right time,” she explains. Carmilla licks her lips and takes one of her infamous deep, steadying, breaths.

“So you let her think that we were just friends. Not even good friends. Regular, run of the mill friends. We have literally never been apart for more than a few days our entire lives,” Carmilla growls.

“I don’t get what the big deal is! So Danny doesn’t know our life story. How is that even remotely a problem? Aren’t you the one constantly whining that I’m not private enough?” Laura argues.

“Fuck, Laura, I don’t care about our life story. I care about the fact that as of right now, I am for all intents and purposes your dirty little secret.”

“No. That’s not true.”

“Then why doesn’t the orange giraffe in our kitchen know anything about me? You never shut up for more than five seconds and you want me to believe that in two weeks you haven’t had time to mention I’m a little bit more than a friend?”

“Just because you’re angry doesn’t mean you have to insult everyone in the near vicinity, Carm!”

“That’s not an answer, Laura.”

They stand there, heat and blood filling the air between them. Laura looks down and plays with the hem of her shirt. Carmilla looks up, trying to clear her head before she says something she’ll really regret.

“I just don’t know what to say.”

Carmilla nods, takes a step back, half turns to lean against the sink.

“The truth isn’t good enough for you?” she asks. Laura shrugs.

“I just… I panic! And it’s not because I want to hide you or I’m ashamed of you, I promise, it’s just…” Laura feels a strange ache in her chest, like the words for what she’s trying to describe are trapped in her heart with no way to her brain. She shakes her head, trying desperately to piece together something that doesn’t sound awful.

“I don’t know,” she finally sighs, utterly defeated. The whole point of their relationship is that they don’t define it, right?

“Well in that case I won’t bother asking,” Carmilla snaps. She opens the door and steps across the hall. The door to her room slams shut behind her. Laura leans her head against the wall, counts to ten, and walks back to the kitchen.

Danny stands against the counter, waiting patiently for the eggs to cook.

“I’m gonna take a wild guess and say she doesn’t really like me?”

“She’s always like this in the morning,” Laura says, “I’m sure she’ll come around.”

Sort of. Maybe. Probably not.

After breakfast, Danny walks Laura to class. The second she’s gone Laura let’s herself go, shoulders hunching, smile falling into a frown. She trudges to her seat and collapses into it. What is she supposed to do? She couldn’t just tell Danny the truth now. Of course on the other hand, Carmilla isn’t about to back down. If it’s one thing Laura knows, it’s that Carmilla never gives up on what she believes in.

Suddenly someone sits down beside her. Laura nearly falls out of her chair, startled eyes shooting up from her notebook. Kirsch grins at her and slides down in the chair.

“What are you doing?” Laura whispers. Kirsch shrugs.

“You looked like you needed a pick-me-up. Everything good, Laura?”

Oh. Laura fiddles with her pencil and bites her lip.

“I sort of got into a fight with my bestfriend. I forgot to tell her someone was staying the night and she wasn’t exactly happy about it.”

“Damn, little nerd, that is a tough one. You told her sorry, right?” Kirsch asks.

“Yeah, but she started yelling about some other stuff so I’m pretty sure it doesn’t matter.”

“Nah, it always matters! I know sometimes I do things and I have no idea I’m messing up until one of my bros tells me and sometimes they’re really angry, like, so angry they don’t talk to me for a couple of days? But eventually we work it out. That’s what bros do. Ya gotta stick with it y’know?”

Laura cracks a smile.

“Yeah, I know.”

Kirsch looks around the lecture hall and then leans in closer.

“Hey, uh, I also kinda had a question about our assignment in lit?”

“Despite literally being in the middle of a class, I am all ears,” Laura teases.

“Okay, so uh, I don’t get it?”

Laura squints at him.

“You don’t get what?”

Kirsch just grimaces and rubs the back of his neck. Laura’s eyes widen and she nearly leaps out of her seat.

“Oh. Oh my god. Sorry, wow, I am just on a roll today.”

“Nah, it’s fine. I know I’m not the smartest bro here, it’s just, I really need this class to graduate next year,” he explains.

“I guess… maybe we could do the work together?” Laura suggests. Kirsch beams at her and wraps her up in a tight hug.

“That would be awesome, Laura. Y’know, I bet you could totally be a bro if you wanted to!”

“Oh yeah, definitely,” Laura replies, doing her best to breathe.

“I better get out of your class now, huh?” Kirsch whispers. Laura nods against his chest. He pats her on the back once and tiptoes back to the door. when he reaches it he turns back and gives her the thumbs up, mouthing “Good luck.”

Laura turns back to the lecture and smiles. Kirsch is right. She can’t give up on fixing things with Carmilla and hanging out with Danny at the same time. There has to be a way.

~~~~~~~~  
Carmilla hears the front door open and close just as she’s getting to the interesting part of the book sitting in her lap. She’s been propped up on her bed all day, just reading and trying to get the sting of Laura’s words out of her head. It’s only worked to some extent, though she’s loathe to admit it. Laura has always been able to leave her riled up. It’s one of the reasons they became friends in the first place.

There’s a knock on her door, though it’s open a crack and Laura knows full well she is welcome to come in.

“What?” It’s more a statement than a question. A confirmation that she’s still not entirely over it.

Laura pushes the door open and slips inside, standing at the foot of the bed with her arms clasped in front of her.

“I’m sorry.”

Carmilla looks up from her book.

“I thought about what you said and I think I might have figured out why I don’t like telling people about you,” Laura continues quietly. Carmilla sets her book down and crosses her arms. Well, this ought to be good.

“You… are nothing like anyone else I’ve ever met. All my friends, my dates, they’re cheerful and optimistic and maybe those are the people I like because they’re like me. Maybe I just have a type. But you always talk about how they’d bore you and I know they wouldn’t understand how the two of us have managed to be friends literally out of the cradle. I guess I just didn’t want them to judge you. I wanted everyone to be happy and the only way I saw that happening is if I kept you on one side of my life and everyone else on the other, so I…. kept you a secret.”

Carmilla runs her tongue over her teeth, checks her nails, and smooths her shorts.

“That was quite the speech, cupcake.”

“Yeah, I guess it was.”

Carmilla pats the space on her bed beside her and Laura immediately jumps up to snuggle into her side.

“I don’t like keeping secrets,” Carmilla muses.

“I know. Next time I’ll give everyone the full Carmilla disclosure,” Laura promises.

“What about Danny?”

“Well, after this morning she kinda doesn’t need it. I mean, she’s met you. I think that’s pretty much as disclosed as we can get.”

“Yeah, that’s probably true,” Carmilla says, a hint of a smile gracing her lips.

“You don’t mind that I haven’t told her about.. y’know? Our little arrangement?”

“Oh, no. I mind. But... I can understand why you haven’t divulged that particular tidbit to our friendly neighborhood Clifford. Just don’t think you can get away with hiding it forever,” Carmilla says. Laura grins and kisses her on the cheek.

“I’ll tell her. I just need to figure out…. well, how.”

“Sorry, babe, can’t help you there.”

Laura sighs and sits up, her palm flat on Carmilla’s stomach to steady herself.

“Y’know she’s probably going to keep coming over here. Is that like, okay with you and everything?”

“I guess, as long as you keep her out of my stuff,” Carmilla shrugs.

“And will you at least try to be nice to her?”

“I can’t make any promises.”

“Caaaaarm!”

“Fine. I’ll try.”

Laura nods and rests her head back on Carmilla’s shoulder. Carmilla picks up her book with the arm that’s not wrapped around Laura and begins to read again. 

"Hey, so, how was your day yesterday? We never got to talk last night," she says suddenly. Carmilla looks up from her book, eyes landing on the pamphlet sitting on her dresser, the one Perry had handed her on her way out from work last night. It seems so insignificant. In fact, it's probably better Laura doesn't know she's going to stand in front of a room full of people and embarrass the hell out of herself for a tiny chance in a lit mag. Not that she's too keen on sharing anything so soon after their fight, anyway. 

"Oh, I mean, it was just like all the other days. Same old thing," she replies. 

Laura sighs and closes her eyes. 

“Hey Carmilla?”

“Hmm?”

“I love you.”

Carmilla smiles and places a soft kiss on top of Laura’s head.

“I love you, too.”

Laura curls further into Carmilla, warmth settling into her chest. Kirsch was right. Anything could be solved with a little communication.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

There is a definite effort.

In fact, it’s easy at first.

Laura comes home after class one or two days a week with Danny in tow, they study for a while, and then Carmilla has Laura to herself for the few hours left before they go to bed. Half the time, she isn’t even home from work until after the ginger giant is gone.

And then all of a sudden it’s a week before midterms.

She thinks the walls must have decayed at some point in the last three months because the level of noise coming from Laura’s room is unheard of. Laughing, giggling, passionate yelling, you name it. There could be a herd of elephants trumpeting down the street and no one would ever know.

Carmilla sighs and tears another page out of her notebook. She’s been trying to write poetry for three weeks and has nothing to show for it. God, she never should have agreed to do the stupid open mic.

There’s a particularly high-pitched squeal and Carmilla throws her notebook across the room. What the fuck were those two idiots doing in there? In seconds she’s off her bed and across the hall knocking on Laura’s door. This is getting a little ridiculous.

Laura opens the door red in the face and grinning like an idiot. She’s slightly disheveled, shirt untucked and askew. Carmilla’s stomach clenches and she resists the urge to punch the wall.

“Hey, what’s up?” Laura asks, catching her breath. Danny snickers from her place at Laura’s desk, her long legs sticking out at odd angles from the tiny chair.

“Just thought I’d come by and let you know people in England are complaining about the noise,” Carmilla sneers. Laura grimaces.

“Gah, sorry. We just got a little carried away.”

“Of course you did. At least try to keep it down, would you? Some of us are actually working,” Carmilla says. She turns on her heel and disappears into her own room, the door banging shut behind her.

Laura closes her door softly and turns back to Danny, shaking her head disapprovingly.

“To be fair, you’re the one who said I couldn’t lift you over my head,” Danny chuckles.

“Which totally warrants a surprise attack,” Laura accuses sarcastically, her grin widening. Danny shrugs.

“Don’t pretend you weren’t totally impressed.”

Laura sits down begrudgingly and resumes taking notes on her history text. Her skin is still tingling where Danny had grabbed her hips and lifted her up. Honestly, she’s more upset that it’s over. The moment was definitely fading from her mind faster than she would like.

Danny’s phone blares to life, scaring them both.

“Aw man, that’s my alarm,” Danny groans, “I have to go ref one of the ladies soccer games in the gym.”

Laura deflates slightly, standing to let Danny out of the corner. Danny walks to the bed and grabs her backpack, shoving her books in without looking.

“Will I see you tomorrow?” Laura asks.

“I have been here every day this week,” Danny says, “Might as well make it five out of five, eh?”

“Definitely,” Laura agrees. Her own enthusiasm startles her and she blushes. Danny bites her lip and zips up her bag, throwing it over her shoulder with a little more force than is entirely necessary.

They walk to the front door together and Laura opens it, allowing Danny to slip through into the empty hallway.

“I guess I’ll meet you after class tomorrow,” Danny says.

“Yeah, totally, I have-”

“Journalism,” they say at the same time. Danny laughs and Laura looks at the floor.

“Right, of course you would know that,” she mutters.

“I mean, I do have a pretty great memory,” Danny says.

“Well, at least I know you won’t forget about me,” Laura jokes.

There’s a flicker of something in Danny’s eyes that makes Laura’s skin hot and her heart heavy.

“I doubt anybody ever forgets you, Laura.”

And then there are lips on hers and she’s standing on her tiptoes, hands on Danny’s shoulders to keep herself from falling over. Danny’s fingers play with the hair at the base of her neck and she sighs a little. It’s one of her favorite things, not that she knew that until Carmilla had…

She pulls back, eyes wide. Danny steps back in surprise, suddenly embarrassed.

“Right, well, I’ll just be…” she motions to the end of the hall.

“Yeah, uh, I’ll see you tomorrow,” Laura says.

“Yep, bye!”

Danny is gone so fast Laura doesn’t even remember her walking away. She closes the door to the apartment and leans against it. Her mind is still full of thoughts from that night, Carmilla hovering over her as they lay on the floor of her bedroom, boxes stacked against the wall. Carmilla’s eyes had glimmered in the dark and she’d stroked Laura’s hair, fingers curling around the back of her neck, pulling Laura up for a sweet kiss as she… she…

“Hey, cupcake! You aren’t having a brain aneurysm are you?”

Laura looks up in surprise. Carmilla stands at the kitchen counter pouring herself coffee out of the refrigerator.

“Yeah, no, I’m fine,” she blurts out. Carmilla raises an eyebrow.

“Right, that’s why you look like you had a near death experience.”

Oh, she had no idea.

“I’m just worried about my midterms, considering their my first ones and all. Y’know how it is, school is like the number one most stressful thing in the country or whatever,” Laura says in a rush.

“Oh yes, I know all about stress,” Carmilla hums. Laura feels her face flush and ducks her head.

“Yeah, so I’m going to go keep studying. Failing definitely won’t help with the stress,” she declares, hurrying in the direction of her room. Carmilla narrows her eyes and catches Laura’s wrist as she goes by, pulling Laura into her arms. Somehow it eases the pounding of Laura’s heart against her ribs and allows some clarity to return to her mind. Then again, of course it does. The mere presence of Carmilla’s arm around her waist calms her down almost instantly.

“Laura, look at me. It’s okay. You’re going to do fine on your tests. Seriously, are you okay? Did that ginger idiot try something? I swear to god if-”

Laura looks up at Carmilla with a small smile.

“I’m fine. I just remembered I had an assignment I haven’t started,” she lies. Carmilla sighs.

“Well if that’s all maybe you should take the rest of the night off,” she mutters, her voice dropping a few notes, “We could watch a movie and I could help you relax a little?” Carmilla’s lips are only a few centimeters from brushing along Laura’s cheekbone. Laura feels her heart jump again, her eyes fluttering closed. Jeez, what is she doing?

“I think I should really get this work done, actually,” she says, her voice wavering. Carmilla pulls back a little, tilting her head to the side.

“It’s up to you, sweetheart.”

Laura nods and steps away.

“Next time, okay?”

Carmilla shrugs.

“Anytime, cupcake. I mean, I practically live here.”

Laura shakes her head, laughing quietly at the awful joke. Carmilla untangles her arms and allows Laura to go, watching her disappear around the corner to her room. With a heavy sigh she turns back to her coffee. Laura is definitely hiding something.

In her room, Laura sits down at her desk and stares at her homework.

She’d never felt this way about any of her potential girlfriends before. If her feelings keep getting stronger, if Danny returns them like it seems she does…

The only solution is to end things with Carmilla. How else is she supposed to stop thinking about her best friend while she’s kissing the girl she has a massive crush on? Which, y’know, is weird in and of itself. The way she feels about Carmilla is nothing like the way she feels about Danny. The two are almost on different ethereal planes.

Laura groans and drops her head on her desk. How is she supposed to tell Carmilla? Is this it? Are they finally going to grow apart and become those people who were friends for years, grow up and never speak to each other again?

On the bright side, she thinks, ending things with Carmilla technically means she doesn’t have to tell Danny about it.

Oh god, what the hell is she going to do?

~~~~~~~

Carmilla, with nothing to do but stare at the wall, ends up going to bed early. It’s an act of frustration and perhaps a bit of “Fuck you” for the universe. She has shit to do, and goddammit she’s going to do it whether her best friend is around or not.

She does not account for the fact that she will inevitably wake up at seven in the morning, cranky and exhausted, but awake nonetheless.

After tossing and turning for a good half hour she stumbles out of bed and into the kitchen to make coffee. With enough caffeine to function like a human again, she retrieves her notebook and curls up on the couch.

Her poems are very angry.

She’s throwing her seventh attempt of the day in the direction of the trashcan when Laura stumbles out of her room, fully dressed, and starts cleaning like a madwoman. Carmilla watches in horror as Laura starts picking up the crumpled pages. Laura throws them away without looking at them and Carmilla let’s out a relieved huff.

“What’s the rush, sweetheart?”

Laura nearly hits her head on the ceiling, she jumps so high.

“Shit, Carmilla!”

Well that’s a development.

“Jeepers Creepers Batman, did Laura Hollis just swear?” It comes out meaner than she meant it to, but she’s tired and still pissed about last night and can’t find it in her to care.

“Shut up, Carm. And would it kill you to pick up your crap once in a while? This place is disgusting,” Laura snaps.

“Oh good, we’re both having shit mornings,” Carmilla grumbles. Laura doesn’t respond, too busy carrying a pile of dirty laundry back to her room. Carmilla sighs. So much for commiserating.

Laura comes back a few minutes later with the vacuum cleaner. Carmilla growls and puts her hands over her ears. Did Laura have any inkling of what time it was?

“Laura!”

The vacuum whirs on.

Carmilla swears and jumps off the couch, heading for the outlet where the cord is plugged into the wall. The vacuum dies and Laura whips around. Carmilla holds up the cord, expression sour.

“Carmilla, this is seriously not a good time,” Laura warns.

“What the hell is wrong with you? Are you possessed?” Carmilla asks.

“No I’m just stressed and this place is totally gross and Danny’s coming over later so…”

“Seriously? Again?”

“Yes. Again. This is the last day we have to study together, y’know, cause Danny has her athletics stuff on the weekend?” Laura explains. Technically it’s the truth,

“And yet today is the only day you’re frantically cleaning like your life depends on it,” Carmilla mutters.

“Carmilla…”

“Don’t bother, Laura. I don’t wanna hear whatever half-assed explanation you’ve come up with this time. Do you really think I’m so blind that I can see what’s right in front of me? God, I thought we were better friends than this.” Carmilla stalks to the closet and pulls out her coat, picks up her bag off the floor and stuffs her notebook into it. Laura closes her eyes and tries to figure out how this became her life.

“It was one kiss!” she blurts out.

“Good for you,” Carmilla snaps. She’s out the door before Laura can come up with a witty retort. Laura scowls at the vacuum cleaner and stomps back into her room. Fine, if that’s how Carmilla wanted to be, that’s how it would be.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Carmilla doesn’t have many options in the way of hide-out locations. In fact, she has pretty much zero. The only place she’s spent much time in outside of the apartment is the park, but it’s too chilly to spend a few hours there.

Which is how she finds herself in the alley behind the bookstore.

She doesn’t want to go in and deal with Perry’s extensive list of questions or Laf’s concerned guardian face, so she squishes herself between the stairs and a pile of recycling. No one can see her from the street, and it’s doubtful anyone will come out into the alley so early in the day. The bookstore doesn’t even open until nine anyway.

Carmilla takes out her notebook and stares at the blank page. Great, all the time in the world to fail repeatedly and consistently.

Laf doesn’t mosey out to the recycling pile until eleven, a whole hour longer than Carmilla expected she could exist with no obnoxious reminders of reality. They nearly trip over her, stumbling back with a confused look and a muttered prayer to science.

“Uh, hey, how’s it going?” Laf asks. Carmilla shrugs.

“Oh, just about as well as can be expected when your best friend lies to your face.”

“Yep, sounds about right for sitting in an alley at eleven o’clock in the morning,” Laf cringes. They toss a few flattened boxes into the recycling and chill in the doorway for a minute.

“No, I don’t want to come in,” Carmilla says.

“Okay, but also consider that Perry has coffee and doughnuts in the office, yeah?”

Carmilla’s stomach grumbles. Right. She hadn’t eaten anything all day. Shit.

“Fine, but if this turns into an inquisition I’m out,” she declares. Laf nods curtly and steps aside. Carmilla darts passed them into the shop without thinking twice.

Perry finds them five minutes later stuffing their faces and making general small talk about the state of the world. She looks between them in a perturbed sort of way and very carefully sets down the stack of paperwork she’s carrying.

“Carmilla, what are you doing here? Isn’t it your day off?” she asks.

“She had a little trouble at home and decided to drop by,” Laf explains, tilting their head just so. Perry’s mouth forms a perfect “O.”

“Well, is there anything we can do?”

Carmilla shakes her head and licks the sugar off her fingers.

“Honestly I just came in for the food. I left before I managed to eat anything this morning,” she explains. Perry’s eyes widen and her shoulders go up a healthy inch.

“You can’t just eat doughnuts and expect to be properly nourished. You need real food, especially during emotionally trying times!”

“Yeah, but real food is either at home or hidden behind several awkward interactions with restaurant workers, neither of which sounds appetizing,” Carmilla says. Perry does not want to admit that she is feeling sympathy for Carmilla of all people, but if something has made her come into work on her day off, the girl who shows up ten minutes late and leaves the second she can get away, then, well, Perry is going to worry!

Besides, Carmilla is their employee and as long as she is on the premises she is their responsibility. Perry and Lafontaine have a duty to keep her in good health. Allowing her to gorge on doughnuts so late in the day is borderline neglectful!

“Well then I’ll just order for you. Come. There’s a perfect little diner down the street that we can go to,” Perry exclaims. Carmilla looks at Lafontaine as if to ask “is she serious?”

“Uh, Perry, quick question. Who’s going to watch the shop while we’re gone?” Laf asks.

“Oh my, no. We’ll just have to close for a bit while we go to lunch. Small businesses do it all the time. Now hurry! We only have a small window in which we can beat the lunch rush!”

Laf turns to Carmilla and shrugs. There’s nothing they can do at this point, best to just go along with it and hope it works out.

Carmilla sighs and follows the gingers out. What does she have to lose?

The diner is a few blocks away in the direction of the campus, small and flanked on both sides by new and shiny buildings. Carmilla likes it immediately.

Lafontaine goes to the counter to order while Perry and Carmilla stay behind. Carmilla is toying with the napkin dispenser and watching the people passing by on the sidewalk, her mind replaying what Laura had said over and over. One kiss. Fuck, she doesn’t even know why she cares. It’s not like they always tell each other everything. It’s not like she’s worried she’s going to lose Laura to someone else. Why does one kiss make her feel so sick to her stomach? Because it happened in their home? Because Laura lied to her about it?

“Penny for your thoughts?” Perry asks.

“It’s really not that interesting,” Carmilla mumbles.

“You just tore a napkin into fifteen pieces.”

Carmilla looks down in surprise. Oh.

“Laura and I fought this morning. She’s been hiding things from me lately and it all sort of… came out this morning.”

“Oh. Well. That’s too bad. I wish I could say I didn’t know what that felt like but…” Perry glances over at Lafontaine and frowns.

“I guess you and I have more in common than we thought,” Carmilla says.

A body stops in front of their table, causing their companion to run into them. Carmilla looks up and then quickly away. Fuck.

“Hey guys,” Laura says, wide eyes glancing between the two, “Weird bumping into you here.”

“Because we don’t eat?” Carmilla asks sarcastically. Danny stands behind Laura, trying to look anywhere but at the table.

“No, I just, hadn’t realized you all hung out together,” Laura responds, a frown creasing her face.

“Oh, we find the time once in a while. Team bonding and all that,” Perry responds.

“Guys, look, They gave me an extra straw so we can do walrus impressions- Oh hey, Laura,” Laf says, appearing out of nowhere with a tray of milkshakes.

“Hey, um, we’re just gonna…” she motions to a booth in the back.

“Have a lovely lunch!” Perry says. Laura stares at Carmilla but she doesn’t even bother to turn away from the window. Laura nods and walks away, Danny at her heels. Carmilla gets up and bolts for the door. She can’t do this. She can’t be near them anymore.

She gets halfway down the street before Laf catches up to her. They grab hold of her shoulder and cut her off, the worried look on their face startling even to her.

“Hey, come on, don’t just walk out like that. You were there first,” Laf says.

“You don’t get it,” Carmilla sighs.

“Trust me, I understand fighting with your best friend. Perry and I totally have your back, yeah? We can switch sides in the booth so you can’t see them or whatever, just… you deserve this, Carmilla. A nice lunch with friends.”

“It’s not the same,” she insists.

“Try me,” Laf says. Carmilla runs her hand through her hair and moves to sit against the building they’re stopped in front of. Laf sits down next to her, their hands folded neatly over their lap.

“Laura and I have been sleeping together,” Carmilla says.

“Uh, come again?”

“Sex, Laf.”

“Wow. How long we talking here?”

Carmilla shrugs and picks at her nail polish.

“We started fooling around a few weeks before graduation. We didn’t sleep together until our first night here, though.”

“And now she has a girlfriend and you’re jealous?”

Carmilla glares at them.

“I am not jealous,” she snaps, “I’m just annoyed that Clifford is in our apartment all the time doing god knows what.”

Laf presses their hand to their mouth and groans.

“You are definitely jealous,” they squeak. Carmilla’s frown deepens.

“Fuck, buddy, you’re like totally in love with her aren’t you?” Laf realizes.

“It’s just an arrangement we had, all right? It doesn’t mean anything. It just…. complicates things more than it should,” Carmilla explains. Laf nods and composes themself.

“Right. Okay. No feelings, just complicated life decisions. Got it.”

“I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m losing her and there’s nothing I can do about it,” Carmilla grumbles. Laf pats her on the shoulder.

“There’s one thing that I know for sure and it’s that you can’t do anything about it sitting here and moping. Come have lunch, hang out at the store a little bit, and go home when you feel like it. Perry and I definitely won’t judge,” Laf reassures her.

Carmilla sighs and gets up. Laf grins and bounds ahead, already chattering about all the different science experiments that can be done with condiments and half melted milkshakes.

~~~~~~~~~~~  
Laura fidgets impatiently across from Danny, eyes locked on the empty space where Carmilla had been sitting just moments before.

What the hell was Carmilla doing at a diner with her bosses? She doesn’t hang out with people, especially not the people she works with. Honestly, she’s brought up Laf and Perry, what? Twice? Maybe?

“I think I’m going to have the cheeseburger,” Danny says.

“Where do you think she went?” Laura asks. Danny looks over her shoulder.

“Maybe she had to go get something?”

“Like what? And the way Laf ran after her…. she’s okay right?”

“Why don’t you go ask?” Danny suggests. After all, it’s not like she knew the life and struggles of one Carmila Karnstein.

“No, that would be too weird. She wouldn’t even look at me before,” Laura worries.

“Hey, I’m sure it will be fine. You two have been friends for like eighteen years. One little fight isn’t going to change that,” Danny says, reaching across the table to hold her hand. Laura smiles faintly.

Across the diner, Carmilla and Laf reappear. There’s a moment of shuffling and then Perry and Laf are sitting on the side of the booth facing Laura and Carmilla is facing away. Laf makes a joke and Perry rolls her eyes. Carmilla must say something in response because Laf chuckles and begins explaining something that looks complicated.

“What is she even doing here?” Laura wonders aloud.

“Um, I think they’re probably having lunch like everyone else,” Danny responds.

“No not…. Carmilla doesn’t hang out with people! She hates doing this kind of thing,” Laura explains.

“Is it really that big of a deal?” Danny asks.

“Yes!”

“I don’t know, Laura. It just looks like she made a few friends. I get that you two have been together forever but it’s healthy for someone to have more than one of those,” Danny says. Laura sighs.

“I guess you’re right,” she mutters.

“Okay then, well, as soon as your ready I’ll go up and order.”

Laura sinks into her seat and tries her hardest to look at her menu. She looks up at a particularly loud round of laughter and sees Carmilla, shoulders shaking, trying to dig an ice cube out of Perry’s milkshake.

Something cold settles in Laura’s stomach. She doesn’t like this. She doesn’t like this one bit.


	6. Chapter 6

They don’t talk in the morning anymore. Carmilla hardly comes out of her room and when she does she never says more than a few words. It’s never explicitly stated, but Laura knows she’s spending more time at work. They move around each other like planets orbiting the same sun, always following the same routines but never touching.

Laura doesn’t know whether she wishes she could escape these mornings or never leave them.

Carmilla always comes out in her bathrobe, lethargic and messy with sleep. Laura smiles, mumbles out a “good morning” if she has it in her.

“Hey,” Carmilla replies, her attention already shifting to the coffee pot. Laura feels a tugging at her heart and an ache settles across her shoulders. She quickly goes back to her cereal, smile fading. She’d made the mistake of hugging Carmilla one morning, purely out of habit. Carmilla had frozen under her touch, stiffly patted her back, and moved away. So now she just smiles and says good morning and internally smothers the part of her that wants to curl up in Carmilla’s arms, because that’s not how things are anymore.

“Do you have work today?”

“Yep, double shift,” Carmilla says. Laura nods and puts her bowl in the sink, moving over to the table to finish packing her bag. Carmilla watches over Laura over her shoulder.

“What about you?”

“Oh, just class and stuff. Danny and I are meeting up to go to the farmer’s market. It’s the last weekend they’re open and apparently it’s kind of a big deal,” Laura explains. Carmilla refrains from making a joke about the absurdity of Laura in a farmer’s market. Honestly.

“Sounds like fun,” she says.

“Yeah, I’m, uh, looking forward to it.”

Laura throws her pack on her shoulder and scoops up a bag of cookies off the counter. Carmilla watches the coffee brew, expression blank. Laura falters, knowing that she should be walking to the door but also wanting nothing more than to kiss that stupid frown off Carmilla’s face. Why is she still thinking like this? She and Carmilla are strictly one hundred percent not a thing. It should be easy to give up the sex and the kissing and the not so innocent cuddling, shouldn’t it? She’s with Danny now. Romance! What she’s always wanted!

Carmilla glances up at her and flashes a small smile.

“You look like someone kicked your puppy.”

“Yeah, it might have been me,” Laura says softly. Carmilla bites her lip and picks up her mug of coffee. It takes everything she has in her to keep from slamming it down on the table and wrapping Laura in her arms. How do you miss someone more than anything in the world when they’re standing right in front of you?

“You’re going to be late for class,” she says instead. Laura nods and heads for the door.

“I’ll see you tonight!” she calls.

“Mmmmhmmm.”

The door shut behind her and Laura leans against it. How had one little lie caused all of this? She hadn’t even been planning on keeping the kiss a secret! Is it a crime now to need a little time to figure things out?

On the other side of the door, Carmilla lays her palm flat against the wood. Every time Laura walks out that door it feels like she’ll never come back. Why was it so hard for them to bounce back from this? They always worked things out sooner or later.

She sighs and walks back to her room to get ready for work. All she knows is that she doesn’t want to be around Laura when all she can talk about is Danny.

~~~~~~~~

Laf takes one look at Carmilla and drops heavily into their chair. Carmilla continues spinning half-heartedly, eyes glued to what she has decided is the least offensive spot on the ceiling. Laf reaches out and stops her chair, face grim.

“Dude, you have got to do something about this Laura crap.”

“She wants to spend all her time with her girlfriend, then that’s what she gets to do. Besides, I don’t want to ruin her day so close to finals. They’re only two weeks away, y’know.”

Laf sighs and rolls their eyes. Of course she has reasons. What kind of Carmilla isn’t prepared to make an argument for procrastination?

“In that case, how’s your poem coming along?” Laf asks. Carmilla shrugs.

“Oh, it’s somewhere on a scale of one to complete bullshit.”

“That bad?”

“Probably worse,” Carmilla admits.

“Have you tried using some kind of inspiration. Scientifically speaking, having something to focus your creative energy on can sometimes help with writer’s block,” Laf suggests.

“Inspiration is hard to come by,” Carmilla groans, stretching out and putting her feet on the desk.

“Okay, so just use an object. Something simple you can find around your house.”

“You mean I need to write about something real and boring instead of the existential crisis of human existence?”

“Well, what’s wrong with the ones you’ve already written?”

“They’re obscenely melodramatic and petty.”

Laf wonders if Carmilla will notice them banging their head against the wall.

“Yep I can imagine they would be.”

Carmilla fixes them in her dispassionate gaze and tilts her head ever so slightly.

“So just find an object? Any old thing?” she asks. Laf nods.

“But seriously if it’s this hard for you then you don’t have to do it. It was just an idea I mean, I’m sure you can get published some other way,” Laf stresses. Carmilla shakes her head.

“Not fast enough to move once the lease is up.”

Laf does a double take.

“Hold up, you’re thinking of moving out? Does Laura know?”

“Of course not. I’m trying to not ruin her day, remember?” Carmilla sneers.

“But you’ve been friends since you were in diapers. You’re really just going to give up on that because of one little rough patch?” Laf exclaims. Carmilla knows they have a point, but them having a point doesn’t quite work with her plan of disappearing in the middle of the night without a word, so she ignores it.

“I think I’ll try writing about coffee,” she muses, “Coffee has never lied to me.”

Laf shakes their head. They are so never telling Perry.

Carmilla wanders back into the apartment that afternoon with a purpose. She moves through the kitchen and the living room like a shadow, scanning each and every surface for an object she can bend to her will. Nothing seems appealing.

From there she moves to her own room. She stares long and hard at each of the posters on her wall, then the objects on top of her dresser. Nothing.

Carmilla let’s out a frustrated sigh and yanks open the drawers. There has to be something somewhere that she can write about! She tosses her clothes around, even digs through her drawer of miscellaneous crap. Did she seriously have zero connection with anything?

Which is when she sees it.

All the way in the back, hidden behind a collection of lighters and a few candles she’d been meaning to use, is a photograph. It’s the only one Carmilla ever bothered keeping, taken by Laura’s father right before their first middle school dance. Carmilla had only gone because Laura didn’t want to go alone. Going to a real part she could understand, but a school dance?

And of course, it turned out to be one of the best nights ever.

Laura, at some point, dragged her along to the bathroom and then despite her pleading, never quite managed to get Carmilla back to the dance. They wandered around the dark and empty school for two hours, eventually ending up on the roof courtesy of the auditorium catwalks, where they spent the better part of forty-five minutes watching the stars and talking about the future.

It was the night they decided they should go to college together, back when Carmilla still assumed her mother would be willing to pay at least part of her tuition. A lot of things had changed since then, but never them. Carmilla and Laura had stayed together through all of it.

That’s it. This is what she can write about.

Carmilla yanks the picture off the dresser and practically apparates into Laura’s room. Laura is a sucker for this kind of stuff. She could probably win the world record for “number of sentimental objects crammed into one bedroom,” which are exactly what Carmilla needs.

She finds their very first co-diary in the middle shelf of the bookshelf (yes, she gagged), two pictures from graduation taped to the mirror, the pressed pennies they’d made at the aquarium in a jar of buttons, and dumps all of the above on the bed. The stupid sock puppets Laura made of them are in the back of the closet. The wood cookies from outdoor school are hanging on the door. The pot she bought back in junior year on a dare is buried so far underneath the bed it might as well be Narnia.

Oh yes, this will be the easiest thing she’s ever written.

~~~~~~~

Danny is already outside of Laura’s last class when the professor lets them out. They meet in the middle for a sweet kiss before strolling down through campus towards the river district.

“How was class?” Danny asks, winding her arm around Laura’s shoulders.

“I think I’m finally starting to understand how all the chapters relate to each other, which is great considering finals are probably going to destroy me,” Laura jokes.

“Oh come on, don’t be so hard on yourself. You worked your butt off, Hollis!”

Laura smiles and ducks her head.

“Yeah, I guess I did.” She’s not sure how much difference that’s going to make but if Danny thinks she’ll do well, she’ll take it.

“Okay, I have the whole thing planned out. We hit up the market first and then we stop at this little cafe for dinner. It’s awesome and you will love it,” Danny says.

“Sounds kinda fancy,” Laura teases. Danny scrunches up her nose and shakes her head.

“Naaaaah, I mean, it could be if you wanted it to be.” Laura giggles and tugs on Danny’s arm. Danny rolls her eyes and leans down so Laura can kiss her cheek.

“I have no doubt that whatever you have planned is totally amazing,” she says.

That’s the whole point of romance, right?

The farmer’s market is one giant conglomerate of tents and stalls spilling out from underneath the oldest bridge in the city. People crowd around the wares, hollering back and forth at each other from across the narrow pathways in between the tents. Laura thinks it might be the biggest collection of people she’s ever seen. She’s off in an instant, bouncing between the stalls with a bright smile and a million questions. Danny hurries after her, hardly able to keep up.

A lot of the stalls have vegetables, which Laura is only moderately interested in. The fruit stands impress her more, especially the ones with the candied apples. Danny attempts to steer her back in the direction of the more wholesome things when they accidentally pass a bagel stand, but to no avail.

“I am never going to run out of bagels again,” Laura declares. Danny shakes her head with a laugh.

“I do not doubt that one bit,” she says, eyeing the bag of a dozen bagels Laura has tucked under her arm. Laura reaches in to grab one but Danny swats her hand away.

“You won’t be hungry for dinner if you eat a million bagels,” she chastises.Laura pouts but pulls her hand away.

“Spoilsport,” she mutters. Danny winks at her and Laura blushes. Okay, maybe not entirely a spoilsport.

Danny gives up on the vegetable front, leaving them to explore the stalls in the very back covered in assorted homemade trinkets.

“This is so cool!” Laura exclaims, picking up a particularly intricate notebook from a crowded table.

“Yeah, it’s pretty,” Danny comments.

Laura traces her fingers over the cover, a black rose embroidered directly into the soft red leather, surrounded by equally black petals and vines stretching to the edge of the binding.

“Carmilla would love this,” she murmurs.

“Maybe you should get it for her. Could potentially help you get back in her good graces,” Danny says. Laura puts the book down gently and steps back.

“She really dislikes gifts, actually. And besides, I doubt a notebook can fix the gaping hole I somehow dug between us,” Laura sighs.

“You never know until you try,” Danny reminds her. Laura sighs.

“Let’s not talk about it okay?” Danny shrugs and follows her away from the stall. Laura doesn't look back, but it’s too late. The sinking feeling in her gut has returned from her morning run in with Carmilla. All of a sudden she feels exhausted. Danny looks at her funny and squeezes her shoulder.

“Everything good?”

“Yeah, I’m just getting tired I guess,” Laura mumbles.

“Right! Food time it is,” Danny declares.

They eventually find themselves standing in front of a little seafoam green cafe with long white curtains in the windows. Laura knows Danny said it wasn’t fancy, but she’s having a hard time believing it.

“Um, Danny, you realize that this place is vegan, right?” she asks as she stares at the very prominent sign over the door.

“Yeah, I figured we could try something new,” Danny replies.

“Oh, uh, I was kinda looking forward to some real food,” Laura grimaces.

“This is real food! Come on, the veggies won’t kill you.”

“My diet isn’t that bad! And seriously, I have no idea what I would even order here!”

“Laura, it’s one meal I don’t-”

“Danny, please! Can’t we just go somewhere I actually understand what I’m eating?” Laura asks in exasperation. Danny frowns and steps back from the door.

“Yeah, sure, if that’s really what you want. I guess we can just come back here some other time.”

“Thanks,” Laura sighs. She’s just not in the mood for what she’s positive will be another lackluster experience with green foods, or the way Danny always compares her health to that of a five year old.

She just wants to go home.

~~~~~~~

Carmilla sits on Laura’s bed in daze. Her pen has fallen out of her grip and disappeared into the pile of mementos surrounding her. The two pennies are clenched in her palm and she runs her thumb over them, tracing the outlines of the otter and the octopus. The amassed treasures have practically doubled since she started, spilling over the comforter like hurricane debris. Holy. shit.

Holy SHIT.

The pages of her notebook are filled with scribbles and lines crossed out and stupid little anecdotes. She refuses to look at them. If she look at them then they’re real. If she looks at them, the idea bouncing around her head is tangible and imaginable and all too close for comfort.

She’s in love with Laura.

There’s no way around it. There’s no way to get from point A to point B without somehow landing on C in the middle, which makes no fucking sense and holy fucking shit she is in love with Laura.

It’s the kind of revelation that should be followed up with bottomless vodka and way too many documentaries.

She’s so absorbed in the terrifying realization that she never hears the front door open or the footsteps come down the hall. The metal spiral on her notebook is cutting into her palm, the sunshining too brightly into eyes she can’t seem to close.

The door behind her opens.

“Carmilla? What are you doing? My room’s a mess!”

Carmilla sucks in a deep gasping breath, like she’s breaking the surface of the ocean and breathing for the first time in years. She turns, eyes raking over Laura standing in the doorway with a look on her face like she’s about to yell for help.

She does the only thing she can think to do.

“Carmilla!”

Laura jumps out of the way as Carmilla slides past her into the room across the hall and slams the door shut. What the…

She walks forward and picks up the picture off the middle of the bed, examining it and then the rest of the pile. Oh, Carmilla…

Laura darts to the door and pounds on it with her fist.

“Carmilla? Please, just answer me so I know you’re okay!”

Carmilla, sitting on the floor against her bed, curls into a tighter ball and says nothing.

“We can’t do this forever, Carm! We need to talk!”

Laura waits for a response and when it doesn’t come she leans her head against the door.

“I miss you, too,” she says, hoping with all her heart that Carmilla is listening. She needs to find something to fix this. Something that will bring them together again. 

On the other side of the door Carmilla lifts her head and looks to the sky.

She needs to get out of here.

Fast.


	7. Chapter 7

Laura is lost in thought when Kirsch takes his seat next to her, throwing his backpack down and reclining like they’re not about to sit through an hour and fifty minutes of literary hell.

“Sup, Little Laura?”

Laura nods once in greeting, her eyes burning holes into the chair in front of her. Kirsch frowns and looks around to see if anyone else thinks this is as weird as he does.

“Yo, Laura, you in there?”

Laura blinks and takes a deep breath, looking around to see if the class has started.

“Mhmm, I’m fine,” she says, shifting in her seat to get a better view of the professor.

“Uh, okay, not that I don’t believe you but, I kinda don’t believe you. You still having trouble with your bro?” Kirsch asks.

“That’s definitely one way to put it,” Laura says sarcastically. Kirsch waits patiently as she twirls her pen a few more times.

“It’s just that, we’re not really speaking to each other so I have no idea what to do and she won’t tell me why she’s upset except maybe it sort of has something to do with Danny, but she’s never cared about any of the other girls I’ve dated, though I never brought any of them home before? Am I just supposed to end things with Danny and hope for the best? What kind of friend makes you do that? And at the same time I can’t stop thinking about her and we’ve been friends for so long I can’t even imagine life without her and the whole thing is just a huge mess!” Laura blurts out.

Kirsch looks at her with wide frightened eyes.

“Okay, I’m a little lost, but I think maybe you need to just sit her down and talk to her, bro to bro, y’know? I mean, if anyone knows how hard it is to get stuff done when you don’t know what’s going on, it’s me. Happens like all the time. And okay, she won’t talk to you, so you talk to her! Tell her how you feel and bam, ball’s in her court. If she doesn’t give you any love back then it’s probably too late,” Kirsch says.

“Oh god, what if it’s too late?” Laura hisses.

“I might have just fucked up,” Kirsch realizes.

“She hates me, Kirsch!”

“Nah, you’re way too cute for anyone to hate on. She’s probably going through the same shit you are but like, different,” Kirsch says. Laura takes a deep breath and nods.

“Yeah, right, of course. I just need to figure out how to talk to her.”

“Yeah, you got this, my tiny nerd babe! Uh, in which babe is the lady substitute for bro and in no way meant to be disresp..respectful?”

Laura smiles softly and puts her hand on Kirsch’s arm.

“You’re getting there. Couple more weeks of listening to me and you might even be a proper gentleman,” she teases. Kirsch smiles broadly. That sounds awesome.

“Oh hey! I meant to ask you. I kinda got invited to this thing and I’m supposed to bring people with me but… I don’t think any of my bros would want to go, y’know? It’s not exactly their thing and I, uh, maybe don’t really want to tell them about it. But you might want to go? It’s fancy and good like you so I figured….” Kirsch trails off sheepishly.

“Um, okay, what is it?” Laura asks.

“I uh, sort of won this award for helping out at this summer camp last year. Well, okay, every year since I was sixteen. The kids are all foster kids and I really connect with them and stuff. It’s where I met my first bros when I was little,” he explains.

“Kirsch, oh my god, that’s great!” Laura exclaims.

“You think so?”

“Of course I think so! When’s the ceremony?”

“Next thursday at the convention center. You might want to bring someone, though. I’ve got to sit at like a special table or something,” Kirsch says.

Laura frowns. The only person she could ask to go with her is Danny...

Wait a second. That’s not true. She could ask Carmilla to go with her. Carmilla loves fancy dress up parties, especially if dinner is included and the attendees aren’t rowdy kids their own age! This could be what brings them back together. Laura can already picture it, just the two of them being able to finally sit down and talk again.

“That’s not going to be a problem at all,” she says happily.

When Laura walks out of class, Danny is waiting for her with a flower and a little box of fancy chocolates. Laura looks at them suspiciously. Danny doesn’t usually meet her after this class.

“Hey, gorgeous, how’s your day been?”

“Uh, fine. What’s all this for?”

“Well… I wanted to apologize for yesterday. I know you were super tired and it wasn’t very nice of me to spring something new on you,” Danny explains.

“Oh, no, Danny, it’s fine!” Laura says, her smile brightening at the gifts in her hands.

“Yeah, yeah. There also might be one more thing,” Danny admits.

“You don’t say?” Laura teases. Danny shakes her head and leans down to kiss her. Laura kisses back, ignoring the way her heart stays still in her chest. It’s just the honeymoon period wearing off. It happens.

“I don’t know if you’ve heard, but at the end of the term we always have a bonfire at this little beach like an hour and a half away from here, and I was wondering if you maybe want to come with me?”

Laura laughs and rolls her eyes playfully.

“Of course I do! Oh, shoot, what day is it though?”

“Friday, why?”

“I have to go to this dinner thing that Kirsch invited me to on thursday,” Laura explains. Danny wrinkles her nose.

“Really? You’re still hanging out with him? I literally don’t understand how you can stand to be around him.”

“He’s not that bad! And besides, he listens if you ask nicely,” Laura says.

“Not to me. Though, I guess if anyone would be able to tame the bro, it would be you,” Danny decides.

“He doesn’t need taming! I get that he’s annoying and gross sometimes, but he’s really trying!”

“Okay, okay, I believe you. I’ll text you the details for the bonfire later, yeah?” Danny asks, wrapping her arms around Laura’s neck.

“Yes, please.” They kiss one last time before heading in separate directions, Laura to the science building and Danny to the gym. Now Laura has two things to look forward to, the party AND the bonfire!

This is going to be awesome.

~~~~~~~

Carmilla rolls out of bed with the full intention of taking a shower that lasts the rest of her life. Eventually the water goes cold, typical, and she is forced to re-evaluate. Coffee sounds like the next best thing, so she wraps herself up in a bathrobe and wanders out to the kitchen.

Laura is standing at the counter packaging up some cookies for a long friday of studying in the library, a fact Carmilla only knows because she over heard the phone conversation that preceded the decision. Laura smiles and mutters a soft “hey” that Carmilla does not respond to. She still hasn’t figured out how she’s going to gently explain to Laura that she’s looking for somewhere else to live. Hell, she hasn’t even figured out if an explanation is possible.

She’s watching the coffee drip into the pot when there’s a soft “ahem” from behind her. Laura has moved to face her, hands twined together in front of her like she’s about to give a speech-

Oh god she’s about to give a speech.

“Can we talk?” Laura asks.

“No one’s stopping you,” Carmilla says. Laura frowns. She’d hoped that carmilla would be a little more receptive to the idea, but it’ll have to do.

“Look, I know we haven’t been getting along very well lately, and I know you hate Danny and I know you’re pissed I lied to you but I’m not the only one who’s at fault here. Do you really think it didn’t suck when you ignored me in public? In front of people I’ve met twice? We’re supposed to have each other’s backs but you won’t even talk to me. You trashed my room and haven’t said a word to me since!”

“I literally spoke less than a minute ago,” Carmilla retorts. Even now all she wants to do is take Laura in her arms and press kisses all over her angry little face. Love is by far the worst thing she has ever had to endure, and it’s only been five months since she graduated high school.

“You know what I mean, Carmilla. We messed up, okay? Both of us. Worse than we’ve ever messed up before. Maybe that means it can never go back to the way it was before, maybe we’re just two kids who have no idea what we’re doing, but I want to at least try. You’re my bestfriend and I’m not giving up just because it’s hard right now.”

Carmilla sighs and closes her eyes, willing the coffee to brew faster. She knows that if she allows Laura back in there will be no moving on from her, and somehow that idea is becoming more and more appealing by the second.

“What did you have in mind?” she asks. God, she is going to hate herself tomorrow.

“I forgive you, and you forgive me. Clean slate,” Laura says.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but it’s never that simple, sweetheart.”

Laura shivers at the nickname rolling off Carmilla’s tongue. Wow, she’d missed that. She’d missed that so much she doesn’t even know what to do with herself.

“There’s this thing happening next week, the governors ball. Kirsch, y’know the guy from my lit class? He won an award and he asked if I wanted to go because, well, he doesn’t really have anyone else. I was thinking maybe you could go with me? For old time’s sake?”

Carmilla tilts her head to the side. Laura is looking at her with such unbridled hope she feels like she’s looking into the sun. It’s a terrible idea, no two ways about it but…. it’s quite fitting isn’t it, one last hurrah before they part ways forever? She owes her at least a goodbye doesn’t she?

Fuck, what is she doing?

“Fine. I’ll go with you so you aren’t all alone at the caveman’s party.”

Laura grins and throws her arms around Carmilla before she even notices what she’s doing.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you! I promise you won’t regret it.”

Carmilla returns the embrace, arms sliding around Laura’s waist until they’re pressed together. Laura’s eyes fly open. Carmilla is actually hugging her back, like, honest to buffy hugging without the icicles and the standoffishness. She sinks into it, closing her eyes and tucking her chin into Carmilla’s shoulder. Carmilla sighs and rests her cheek against Laura’s hair. How did she ever think she could say no?

When they finally pull away, each of them is quiet.

“So,” Carmilla says after a few moments, “When is this governors ball?”

“Thursday at like six or so. It’s at the convention center a few blocks from the school so we can just walk over,” Laura explains softly.

“Mmmm, sounds like a plan.” The poetry reading was on Friday, thank god.

“Right, okay, awesome. I’ll see you tonight?” Laura asks, picking up her bag and her snack on the way to the door.

“You might,” Carmilla responds, taking her coffee and heading back for her room.

Laura grins.

Mission: Complete.

~~~~~~~~~

Laura changes her dress six times. She doesn’t know why it’s so important. Carmilla has seen all of her dresses, picked most of them out, in fact. It’s not like she’s going to knock anyone’s socks off with the few old things she has laying around. It literally doesn’t matter.

Except that it totally does.

She settles, eventually, on a navy blue v neck with a knee length skirt that they’d bought for the graduation party earlier that year. She’d only worn it for a few hours, and for some reason that makes it the nicest dress she owns.

Laura waits for Carmilla in the living room, idly leaning on the couch as she texts Kirsch to let him know they’re on their way. The door at the end of the hall opens and Laura hears the unmistakable sound of  Carmilla’s favorite heels come clicking toward her. It makes her smile. Of course she would.

“You ready?” Carmilla asks, draping her purse over her shoulder. Laura looks like a goddess, all shine and radiance. Carmilla has to hold herself back from reaching out, dragging her fingers across that collarbone, marking that neck with her teeth. No, tonight has to go perfectly. She’ll never forgive herself if she puts Laura through more pain than she absolutely has to. Her skin is buzzing with nerves, making her frown. Nerves are such an inconvenience.

Laura bites her lip, trying to figure out whether she should put a thumbs up or a smiley face at the end of her text.

“Yeah, just let me…”

Wow. Okay. She’s.. She’s wearing…

Laura thinks the link between her brain and her mouth might have come unplugged.

Carmilla smirks and admires her outfit. Lace crop top, leather skirt, what more could a girl ask for?

“Where’d you get that?” Laura finally blurts out.

“Oh, I just had it laying around. For a rainy day, I guess,” Carmilla says.

“No fair! You look like you just walk off the cover of a magazine!”

“And you don’t?”

Laura blushes and busies herself with putting her phone away. She can’t fall for Carmilla’s distractions tonight. Everything needs to go perfectly. If she can’t show Carmilla that everything can be okay between them, that they can navigate this chapter together, then she’ll lose her forever. She cannot let Carmilla down.

“Okay, let’s go,” she chirps, tugging carmilla to the door. Carmilla smiles softly.

This might be the worst night she ever lives through.

~~~~~~~

The governors ball is immense. It’s held in a room with high ceilings and chandeliers, filled with glittering tables of crystal dishes and champagne flutes that go on forever. Kirsch waves from his seat at the front and Laura waves back, so in awe she momentarily forgets where she’s going.

Carmilla sighs and gently takes Laura’s shoulders, directing her through the crowd to a table that doesn’t already have anyone sitting at it. Laura allows her to pull out her chair and then all of a sudden they have arrived, stationary, staring at each other like it’s the first time they’ve been this close in weeks.

Neither of them can really remember if it is.

“So….. anything interesting happen in the last couple of days?” Laura asks.

“Laf set the ceiling on fire.”

“Uh, that seems dangerous.”

“They wanted to prove they could do it without burning the store down,” Carmilla explains.

“Okay, now it kinda makes sense how the two of you became friends,” Laura says. Carmilla shrugs and pours herself a glass of champagne. It’s not like anyone is going to notice the two of them sitting in the back anyway.

“They’re all right,” she says.

“All right? Carmilla you went out to lunch,” Laura reminds her. Carmilla smirks. Ah yes, Laura’s little jealous moment.

“Actually that was the only time we ever went anywhere together. Laf found me in the alley behind the store and Perry flipped shit when she found out I hadn’t eaten, one thing leads to another and all of a sudden I’m shacked up in a diner with two gingers and a condiment chemistry set,” she explains. Laura looks at her in horror.

“They found you in the alley?”

Carmilla shrugs again.

“I didn’t have anywhere else to go after we fought so I just sat in the alley for a few hours.”

Laura thinks she might cry. Her best friend sat in an alley for hours because of something she’d said.

“I’m sorry. Oh, I’m so, so sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled at you or gotten mad when you confronted me. You just wanted answers and I was being… awful.”

Carmilla feels her heart sink. Fuck, now Laura was going to be depressed all night.

“You don’t need to apologize. It happened, it’s over, nothing we can do about it now, right?”

“That doesn’t make it better,” Laura argues.

“Sometimes you can’t make it better, Laura. Sometimes it just is what it is.”

Laura stares at her, unsure of how to respond.

“So you’re saying we can’t ever…”

Carmilla rolls her eyes. God this is infuriating. Why does Laura insist on asking a million questions that threaten to ruin the perfect night she wants so badly?

“I’m saying some things don’t need to be fixed. Shit happens. You don’t need to make it up to me or whatever. Clean slate, right?”

“Right,” Laura replies softly. Carmilla sighs and stretches out in the chair. For the love of...

“What about you? Anything exciting happen lately?” she asks.

Dinner is served soon enough and at that point Laura is so enthused with her bacon wrapped pork and the prospect of chocolate cake for dessert that she has Carmilla cracking a smile and joking that while they’re at it they might as well steal a cake, because, well, why the hell not.

“We can’t just steal a cake! Besides, do caterers even have whole cakes or do they just have pieces already cut?” Laura wonders.

“Pfffft you were a waitress, you can carry ten plates right?”

Laura rolls her eyes, her face sore from smiling.

“I’m not helping you steal ten individual slices of cake. What would we even do with them? We’d never be able to eat them all.”

“Hmmmm maybe some of them would mysteriously disappear.”

“Oh so it’s a cakespiracy now?”

“You have got to be kidding me.”

Laura laughs and shakes her head.

“That was the best thing ever and you know it.”

Carmilla scoffs and sips at her champagne. Laura watches her, eyes soft. It couldn’t get any better could it.

“Hey Carm?”

“Hmmmm?”

“I’m really glad you came with me tonight.”

Carmilla feels the first threads of guilt being sewn into her skin. Lovely.

“Yeah. It’s nicer than I thought it’d be,” she says. Laura just smiles.

Eventually some old man at the front of the room stands up and starts talking about all the good work the award winners have done, the goals of the governor's office, all that fun stuff that no one can really follow, because there’s cake and really what are speeches for anyway?

Laura zones out, focusing first on her cake and then on Carmilla. Everything is going perfectly. There’s no way Carmilla can continue to ignore her after this. They’ll be acting like best friends again in no time, crisis averted.

When Kirsch goes up to accept his award, Laura claps enough for at least three people. It’s her job, after all, to support him. Even Carmilla claps. Half-heartedly and mostly because of the champagne, but hey it counts.

Laura turns to Carmilla as the last speaker is walking off stage and reaches out to take her hand. Carmilla let’s her, something Laura can’t really place flashing across her face.

“I’ve just got to say hi to kirsch and then we can get out of here,” Laura says.

“Take all the time you need, cupcake,” Carmilla hums. Laura nods, failing to move away from the table.

“What?” Carmilla asks.

“Nothing. It’s just… we should do stuff like this more often,” Laura says. Carmilla ducks her head, a small frown on her face.

“That’s a good idea, sweetheart.”

“We had fun, didn’t we?” Laura asks, suddenly unsure of whether not they’d been at the same event, considering how awesome it’d been.

“Of course we did,” Carmilla reassures her, refusing to look her in the eye.

“Oh, really? Is that why you won’t look at me?”

Carmilla sighs and turns toward her, shoulders tense and hands tenser.

“I had fun, okay? Now can we please drop it?”

“I thought we weren’t going to hide things anymore,” Laura says.

“Laura, this is not the place to have this conversation,” Carmilla warns.

“Oh, no, you’re not pulling that again. We’ll get home you’ll just disappear into your room.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Am I wrong?”

Carmilla stands up and gathers her things.

“If you want to talk about this so badly then let’s go,” she snaps. Laura jumps to her feet.

“What’s so important you can’t just tell me?”

Neither of them notice Kirsch walking toward them, his face growing more and more concerned with every step.

“Laura, I swear if you ask me one more time…”

“Hey ladies! Uh, everything cool with you two?”

“No.”

“Yes.”

Kirsch stares blankly between the two of them. Oh boy.

“Well, uh, thanks for coming?”

Laura smiles at him, ignoring the death glare Carmilla sends her way.

“We wouldn’t have missed it. It was really awesome to see you up there,” she says.

“I’m leaving,” Carmilla huffs.

“Carmilla!”

“Okay. Let’s all just take like a really deep breath and chill for a minute?” Kirsch says.

“It’s fine, Kirsch. I can handle a little temper tantrum,” Laura growls.

“What, my temper tantrum? Because I’m the one stomping my foot and refusing to have a private conversation in private?”

“Do you seriously think anyone is listening to us?”

“I am definitely listening,” Kirsch says.

“Stop interrupting!” Carmilla snaps at him.

“Don’t yell at him! He hasn’t done anything!”

“He’s here isn’t he?”

Kirsch looks around. People are staring, like, a lot of people, and the two babes don’t seem like they’re going to stop anytime soon. He tries to figure out how far away the door is. He is very bad at math.

“Maybe we should just-”

Carmilla reaches back and picks up an almost full flute of champagne, twists her wrist, and throws the entire thing in his face.

“That’s for not listening,” she says. Damn, she thinks to herself, my aim is spectacular.

“Oh my god,” Laura says. Kirsch just stands there, eyes wide and sorrowful. But Laura said he’d been getting better at listening?

“I’m moving out,” Carmilla says, turning to Laura. Laura gapes at her, trying desperately to process that sentence in a way that doesn’t rip her heart in two. Carmilla waits for her to say something but is too impatient to wait for long. She spins on her heel and walks out, without so much as a glance at the people around her.

Laura feels like she’s going to throw up.

“You okay, little nerd?” Kirsch asks.

“I’m… oh crap, Kirsch! I’m so sorry I didn’t think… Here let me help you,” Laura babbles. She picks up a napkin and starts carefully dabbing at the spots on his shirt.

“Don’t worry about it. Hey, it’s gonna be okay.” Kirsch takes one of Laura’s trembling hands in his own and steadies her. Laura nods, allowing herself to lean against him and close her eyes.

This was so not how she’d imagined it.

~~~~~~

Carmilla is standing in the kitchen whiskey when Laura finally walks through the door. She’s showered and bathrobe-clad, face washed of her glamorous make-up and hair pulled up. Her posture is still rigid, like she doesn’t dare relax in her own kitchen, like she’s waiting for a fight.

She is.

Laura stands in front of the door, her hands clenched into fists and her mouth a hard line. She feels hot, like she’s vibrating all the way down to her bones. She hates that she wants to cry, hates that Carmilla of all people is making her feel this way. Why couldn’t things have just stayed the same?

“What the hell, Carmilla.”

“It’s rather straightforward, sweetheart.”

Laura is going to scream.

“How long have you been planning on leaving?”

Carmilla shrugs.

“A few weeks, maybe longer.”

“And when I said I wanted to try and fix things and you said yes? What was that? More lies?”

“We had fun. What more do you want from me?” Carmilla argues.

“I want my best friend back!”

Carmilla sighs and finishes her drink, setting the cup in the sink and heading for her room.

“It’s too late for that,” she says over her shoulder. Laura surges across the room and grabs her arm.

“At least tell me why! I deserve that much don’t I?”

“It’s complicated,” Carmilla grinds out. Laura’s hand on her arm has her heart in her throat and it would be so easy, so easy to bare her soul.

“Then explain it to me!”

Carmilla turns with the full intention of chewing Laura out, of ripping her into tiny pieces with harsh words that get her to just shut. up.

But Laura doesn’t back up and all of a sudden they’re nose to nose and the only sound is their ragged breathing.

They meet in the middle, lips and teeth unforgiving as they claw each other closer. Carmilla pushes Laura against the wall, their hips colliding, Laura’s nails on the back of her neck. Carmilla growls low in her throat and shoves her hands up Laura’s dress, skimming over the lines of her underwear to the soft curve of her stomach.

Then Laura is pushing her back, shoving her towards her room. God she’s pissed. Carmilla had no right to keep this from her. She has no right to walk around acting all smug because she’s going to just give up on them, leave Laura to clean up the mess. Her hands are pushing the robe off Carmilla’s shoulders, scratching down her arms and her back as they bruise their lips just trying to prove something.

They fall onto the bed, Laura on top of Carmilla with her lips on Carmilla’s neck making marks that she hope don’t ever fade. Carmilla arches under her, pulling her closer, moaning into her ear and making Laura ache. Everything had been perfect, everything had been so so perfect.

“Come on, Laura, fuck me,” Carmilla groans.

“Shut up,” Laura whispers, their lips brushing, her fingers dancing under the edge of Carmilla’s lace panties.

“Make me,” Carmilla hisses back. Fuck, she wants this. She wants Laura so badly she’d kill for her, beg for her, anything for her. She wants Laura’s taste on her tongue and her name on those lips.

Laura presses their lips together, biting down on to Carmilla’s bottom lip so hard she can taste blood. Laura pushes her fingers inside of her, basking in the wet heat and the choked moan falling out of Carmilla’s mouth. It isn’t nice, it isn’t soft, but it’s exactly what she need.

Carmilla can hardly think straight, her skin burning under Laura’s rough hands. Her hips roll in time with Laura’s thrusts, hands twisting into Laura’s hair and leaving crescent moons on her skin. Laura’s mouth is on her throat and her free hand is skating up and down her side, alternating between grabbing Carmilla’s ass and fondling her breast. The fingers inside of her are setting a brutal pace, pushing and taking and leaving her raw. There’s pressure on her clit, long hard and consistent.

It’s a matter of minutes before she’s gasping out Laura’s name, her thighs clenching around the hand between her legs, her arms pulling Laura close. Laura presses her face into Carmilla’s neck, slowing until they’re both stripped down to the bone, their hearts faltering in their chests as they try to catch their breath.

The anger goes with it, the frustration, all of it gone. They are empty and the room is cold but still they’re burning against one another. Laura sits up, her lips swollen and her hair in her face.

Oh god.

What did she just do?

Carmilla watches Laura through the haze of bliss, her mind sluggish to respond to the look on that perfect face.

“Laura.”

Laura shakes her head and crawls backward off the bed, her eyes wide and searching. She bumps into the door, reaches down for her shoes.

“Laura, wait.” Carmilla can’t find it in herself to sit up, to pull her back and explain.

Laura bolts into her room, slamming the door behind her just in time to collapse onto her bed in a mess of tears and bone-rattling sobs. Her muscles ache and she can feel where Carmilla left marks on her skin, unable to escape the constant reminder of what had just happened.

She’d hurt Carmilla, she’d cheated on Danny, she’d destroyed everything.

There was no way to ever come back from this.

Carmilla bites her lip and tells herself that she’s not going to cry only to realize it’s too late. She rolls onto her side, curling into her aching body. As the bliss fades the pain blossoms and she can feel every scratch and bite in it’s entirety, stinging every time she moves. Tears roll down her cheeks, hand over her mouth to keep Laura from hearing.

Without each other, the cold settles into their lungs.

The only thing left is the darkness.

~~~~~~~

Morning comes without a single sound. Laura wakes on top of her covers, still in her dress from the night before. Her phone is ringing. An alarm on a friday?

Shit that’s right.

She stumbles out of bed, her face tight and gritty from the salt dried to her cheeks. The shower is a fast one, the mirror on the medicine cabinet covered as quickly as possible. She doesn’t want to see the marks on her back or her stomach, doesn’t want to remember the blood or how good it felt.

She thanks every popular fiction character she can think of that Carmilla hadn’t left any marks on her neck or chest.

The text from Danny comes while she’s still getting dressed, pulling jeans and a cute little sweater on over the bruises and the nails marks.

Within the hour she is in a car with a bunch of girls singing along to the radio, the light from her eyes sitting forgotten on the bathroom counter.

Carmilla wakes up hours later, groaning. She sits up gingerly and looks around the room. The memories of the night before come back to her in flashes, in the aches and pains that follow her to the kitchen for coffee.

Laura’s door is shut, the apartment silent. Carmilla stares at the door for a very long time, her tongue soothing the split in her lip. She goes to her dresser and opens the top drawer, pulling out the flyer Perry had given her months ago. She slides it under Laura’s door as quickly and silently as she can.

There. If Laura wants the truth she can come and get it.


	8. Chapter 8

Laura walks along the gravel path with her head down, shoes scuffing rocks, arms crossed. The day has been long, full of ice cream and tidepools, sea shell hunts and arcades. A group of them are just heading back from the mini golf course, just in time for the bonfire lighting at dusk.

“Babe!” Danny jogs up beside her and loops her arm around Laura’s shoulders. Laura stiffens, the weight dragging against several of the red scabs scattered across her back.

“Hey, did you figure it out?” she asks.

“Yeah, I guess one of the coolers got put in the wrong car. The ice melted everywhere. But it’s taken care of so from now on I am all yours,” Danny replies.

“I can’t wait,” Laura says. Danny looks at her curiously, stepping off the path into the sand as they reach the spot where the Silas students have set up base camp. It’s a little cove a ways from the main beach, hemmed in by the ocean on one side and a little strip of woods on the other.

“Are you okay?” Danny asks, “You’ve been really quiet all day.”

“Oh, y’know, we were out kinda late last night.”

Danny scowls and scans the bitch.

“Kirsch! What the hell do you think you’re doing keeping my girlfriend up the night before the most important party of the year?”

Kirsch looks up from where he’s stacking wood onto the pile and zeroes in on Laura. She shakes her head slightly.

“Chill, Summers! Not like we did anything you wouldn’t approve of!” he yells back.

“What party did he even invite you to?” Danny asks.

“Oh, just… some bro initiation thing,” Laura lies. Is there even such a thing?

“Huh, so he made you an honorary bro. Figures,” Danny sighs. Laura let’s out a breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding. Thank god for stereotypes.

The fire roars to life just as the sun sets below the trees. Laura, surrounded by her peers cheering their asses off and this great beacon of light, feels a little of the emptiness ebb away.

She flinches when strong arms wrap around her and a chin rests on top of her head.

“Relax, Hollis. It’s just me,” Danny says. Laura sighs and attempts to relax into her girlfriend. It works for a minute or two, but soon enough she’s feeling antsy again.

“It’s really pretty isn’t it?” Danny says.

“Yeah, it’s awesome. I can’t believe they really let us do this using school funds,” Laura replies.

“Eh, it’s all money put together by the clubs from their yearly allotment, so technically they aren’t spending anything,” Danny explains.

“Oh, yeah, of course,” Laura mumbles.

“You sure you’re feeling all right?” Danny asks again.

“Definitely. All I want to do is enjoy the party,” Laura confirms. She doesn’t need to tell Danny about last night. It was a mistake, a horrible horrible mistake and it is never going to happen again. It wasn’t even really cheating, considering she and Carmilla had started fooling around months before she even met Danny.

Or something?

“Well, I think I know something we can do that you might like,” Danny whispers. Laura looks out at the people dancing and nods. Yes, anything to get her mind off what happened and back into the real world.

Danny takes her hand and begins leading her in the opposite direction, back towards the woods. Laura raises an eyebrow in confusion but goes along. After all, this is her first bonfire. There are bound to be activities going on that she has no clue about.

And technically she’s not wrong.

Between the trees a little down the beach, someone has set up a small camp. There are lights strung from branch to branch and candles, unlit, on the ground at the edge of what can only be described as a nest of blankets and soft pillows. The tent at the back is big enough for two and there’s even a hammock situated between two trees, swinging in the wind.

Laura looks around and realizes that it’s not the only one. Lights dot the woods, which are open enough to allow camp building pretty much anywhere. Somewhere far off she can hear someone singing, soft laughter that rolls over the sand like the waves.

“Oh, it’s….” dread and guilt piles up in her stomach. The fire is too far to give her comfort now. All of a sudden she feels caged in, suffocating. The candles, the space between themselves and any other camp. Oh no.

“Surprise! I had some of the girls set it up while we were in town. I thought we could spend some time together just the two of us, y’know?”

“Danny…”

Something in Laura’s voice makes Danny stop.

“Hey, Laura, it’s okay. It’s just me. You don’t need to be nervous.”

“Nervous? I’m not nervous,” Laura denies. Uncomfortable, yes. Rethinking all of her life choices, definitely.

“Are you sure? You look really nervous,” Danny says.

“I was just really looking forward to the party,” Laura explains.

“I mean, we don’t have to stay here all night. We can come back later.”

“We should definitely do that,” Laura says, turning to walk back up the beach. Danny catches her arm and gently pulls her back.

“Y’know it’s okay if you’re nervous right? I’m not going to get mad if you want to go slow,” she tries to reassure her.

“It’s not like it’s my first time, Danny,” Laura snaps. She just wants to go back to the party and watch the fire and drink a little, is that so hard to ask?

“I wasn’t expecting us to- Wait, but last week when we talked about the overnight thing you said you’d never slept with anyone you’d dated?”

Laura grimaces. Shit.

“That doesn’t necessarily mean I haven’t slept with anyone,” she says.

“What like a one night stand?”

Laura picks up the pace. If they get back to the group then Danny will have to stop asking questions.

“Laura!”

“I don’t have to tell you if I don’t want to,” Laura says angrily. Danny jumps in front of her and Laura skids to a stop.

“No, you don’t. But I’m kinda curious why you’re so upset by the idea that I might,” Danny says softly. There’s an edge to her voice that makes Laura’s heart jump in fear. She can’t lose Danny, too.

“Danny…”

“No, no. I get it. I just… You’ve been acting weird all day and now this? Did I do something? If you didn’t want to come you could have just said so, Laura.”

“I did want to come, I do. I just… I’m not in the mood right now.”

“Are you okay? Do you need something? I’m your girlfriend, Laura, talk to me!”

“I’m fine.”

Danny steps back, her eyes narrowed. Laura cringes. That was not the face she’d been hoping to see.

“I don’t believe you.”

Crap.

“Danny, look, it has nothing to do with you. Carmilla and I got into this stupid fight last night and now I’m pretty sure she’s moving out and I’m still just, dealing with it.”

Danny looks surprised at first, but then something changes and her expression sours until she’s hardly recognizable.

“Carmilla. Of course.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Laura asks.

“Really? You think I wouldn’t put two and two together? You won’t talk to me, you don’t want to spend any time alone together. It was her wasn’t it?”

Laura sighs and closes her eyes.

“It’s not like that. We used to have this thing, like, a friends with benefits sort of deal. It wasn’t ever a real… I don’t know,” she tries to explain.

“So you’re currently living with a girl you used to have ‘benefits’ with and you didn’t think you should tell me that? Instead of, I don’t know, purposefully hiding it?” Danny hisses.

“Carmilla and I are just friends, maybe not even at this point. I mean, sure we slept together but there was never that spark or anything. It was just sex!”

“You don’t need a… Y’know what, no, I’m going to go get a beer and find my friends. Feel free to do whatever you want,” Danny says. Laura watches her walk away, her heart sinking down into the pit of her stomach. She doesn’t even feel like crying. What would the point be?

She walks aimlessly up the beach, the loneliness creeping back into her mind, making her see shadows where there aren’t any and light where it never was. Eventually she perches on top of a rock near the dock that leads into town. Staring out at the sea, she asks herself again. Is this really what she wants?

“I want to go home.” The words hang in the air between her and nothing. They take the weight off her shoulders, the clouds from her mind. She wants to go home. She wants things the way they used to be.

“Laura?” Kirsch pops out of the bushes behind her, dishevelled and wow, not alone.

“Oh my god,” Laura says.The girl attached to Kirsch’s side nods like she gets it.

“I’m just gonna go find something to eat while you two do this whole bro thing you’ve got going on,” the girl says.

“Uh, so that was…”

“Oh that’s SJ! She’s a pre-med student. She knows like, everything about the human body,” Kirsch explains with wide eyes. Laura purses her lips and nods. Wow. Okay. Gross.

“Anyway, what did you say? You want to go home? But the bonfire is awesome!” Kirsch continues. Laura’s shoulders sag.

“Danny and I got in a fight about Carmilla,” Laura explains. Kirsch deflates, his arm coming gently around his friend.

“If you’re sure, I can drive you back,” he says. Laura shakes her head.

“It’s okay, I don’t want you to miss the party.”

Kirsch just smiles and pulls her to her feet.

“Come on, my car is this way.”

They’re about halfway back, Laura curled up in the passenger seat staring out the window, when Kirsch glances over. It’s dark except for the headlights, stars twinkling in the sky above.

“Y’know, I have this friend who told me I’m a pretty good listener,” he says. Laura nods, her fingers playing with the sleeve of her sweater.

“Carmilla and I slept together last night. I mean, not just last night. A lot, actually, ever since we moved to the city. We, uh, had this friends with benefits deal? And it stopped once I started dating Danny, but I never told Danny, and I sort of lied to Carmilla and I just… I didn’t want to give one of them up because of the other,” Laura rants.

Kirsch licks his lips and tries to keep his eyes on the road.

“That’s uh, that’s a pretty big problem you’ve got on your hands.”

“Ugh, I know, and it doesn’t even make sense! I don’t like Carmilla as anything other than a friend but I can’t get her out of my head. Not to say that friends are less important than significant others, it’s just that, the thoughts are really not the friendship kind like at all. And after last night I sort of ran out on her and we’re probably never going to speak again or whatever. Danny, on the other hand, is pissed I never told her we slept together and will probably never trust me again,” Laura continues, her hands flying through the air, voice rising.

“Uh, I’m confused, why don’t you have feelings for Carmilla?” Kirsch asks.

“I just don’t. I mean she’s my bestfriend and I love her but there was never a spark or butterflies or any of that. And maybe I can’t imagine my life without her, but it’s like… this feeling like she’s always going to be there, like the stars or the ocean. Not like romance, not like fire and passion and getting nervous before a big date. She makes me feel calm and safe. It’s different.”

Kirsch resists the urge to hit his head on the steering wheel.

“Laura, that whole thing about sparks and passion is just… Like that’s one kind of love y’know? Just cause you two never had any of that doesn’t mean you don’t love her in a girlfriendy way. Love don’t gotta be one thing. I mean, it sounds like you’ve got it bad. The way you two were looking at each other over dinner, I mean, are you sure you aren’t in love with her?”

Laura stares at him, and then slowly turns to face the dash. She’d never bothered to think about it. She and Carmilla just were. There wasn’t any more to it and there wasn’t any less.

There was everything.

The way she’d nearly fallen over when she saw Carmilla in her outfit, the frustration and aching that had spurred on the actions of the night before, the way Carmilla could always calm her down and always rile her up. Oh crap.

“Please tell me if you’re going to throw up,” Kirsch says. Laura shakes her head, lips parted, hands limp in her lap.

“All this time…” she whispers.

“Yep,” Kirsch says under his breath.

“Kirsch, we have to get back. If I don’t talk to her soon she might… oh god, she said she was going to move out what if she’s already gone?” Laura yelps, bouncing in her seat as she realizes the literal actual love of her life might be slipping through her fingers at that very second.

“I don’t usually speed for ladies, Little nerd, but in this case I will make an exception.”

They make it back to the apartment five minutes after seven, Laura leading the way like a tiny bullet shot from a very anxious gun. Carmilla’s door is open but there’s no sign of her. Laura looks around for her backpack but it’s gone as well. Crap.

“Sorry, little nerd,” Kirsch says.

“It’s okay Kirsch, there’s nothing you could have done,” Laura says softly. She opens the door to her room to put her overnight bag away but stops. There’s a flyer on the floor for some open mic night she’s never seen before. She picks it up and skims through it. Seven O’clock. The bookstore. Of course.

“I know where she is!” Laura calls out.

“No shit?” Kirsch says excitedly. Laura thrusts the flyer at him and grabs her keys.

“It started fifteen minutes ago, come on!”

~~~~~~~~

Laf is looking at her like she’s gone insane.

“Well?” Carmilla asks impatiently.

“Dude this poem is insane. It’s going to get you noticed for sure. Not to mention I think you might be literally involved in the most convoluted love story I’ve ever seen?” they say.

“Let me see!” Perry demands, pushing through the crowd of poets currently waiting in the back of the bookstore for the reading to start. She scans the poem quickly, her eyes widening.

“Yes, that is uh, quite something,” Perry says. She tries to hand the poem back but Carmilla shakes her head.

“I memorized it.”

Laf and Perry nod in unison, glancing at each other quickly.

“Okay, so you’re going to be the third person to read, I already checked and the editor is sitting in the front row,” Laf tells her.

“Did you see Laura?” Carmilla asks. Laf shakes their head.

“I can go look again,” Perry offers.

“No, it’s fine,” Carmilla says.

It will be a miracle if she makes it through this without killing someone.

The first poet is somewhat of a hack, regurgitating the lines of long dead poets in such a way that they probably could have bought the damn thing out of someone’s truck. The second poet is marginally better, original at least, but stiff and overbearing.

When Carmilla walks onto the stage, she scans the crowd. There’s no sight of Laura or anyone else she knows. She looks down at her hands and recalls the poem. She can do this.

The bell above the door rings.

Carmilla looks up at Laura and relief flashes across her face. Laura smiles back, Kirsch waving behind her. Carmilla’s smile fades as she realizes what she’s about to do.

Well, better late than never right?

“Do you ever feel like you’re grounded by things that don’t exist?

Like your body is trying to resist falling apart

And you aren’t quite sure if this is the start of a catastrophe or freedom,

depending on which bed you wake up on?

I’ve always felt like a compass could give me better directions than a map.

Pulled in so many different directions I might snap under the pressure

Of good status and bad habits

Between money and love in ripples across time

For art and prose and skies with just enough rain for rainbow stars

And it never bothered me because a compass unlike a map has a center.

Somewhere to come back to that is always, always there.

Unlike the traveling red pin on the highway lines of the USA

That you always see in movies about a guy and his dog

The ones where they can never figure out if there’s really a god

Until, spoiler alert, the dog dies.

I’ve always known which direction was home

How to follow the notes in the margins

alternating from green to blue ink depending on the hour

A penny in my pocket like a GPS in which Siri is an otter

Because no matter where home goes

She always let’s me follow

Puts our names on the door for a sign

And then she’s waiting there and you’d never believe it but

Her eyes

It’s not a sparkle

or a glimmer

or a hope

She just knows

Wherever she goes I go

But something was never quite right

We always assumed we’d be back to back

Fighting that fight to find our last resting place

The heart that makes the heart grow fonder

Because no matter how much I love her

It never came across the way it does on paper

There were never butterflies or sweet goodbyes

Never fiery passion or complete adoration

Wherever I go she goes

The connection between us is a fact

Not a page-turning whirlwind romance

And I stupidly thought there must be more

Until I realized I wasn’t sure if it was home anymore

Because at some point home

Got ahead of me

Became the thing I was running towards

Instead of the one holding my hand

She found a girl and a life

Something “exciting” and “nice”

Suddenly I was playing hard to get

back to back with a cold wooden door

It makes no sense because

nothing has changed

I may have opened my eyes

but the way I feel is the same

It’s just not what I thought it was

Not what we thought it was

Which is when I realized

I couldn’t live without her if I tried

And I know, standing in front of me is a mirage

That until I turn around and break that bond

She’ll never know what she means to me

But if I turn around…

Well

Do you ever feel like you’re grounded by things that don’t exist?”

As she speaks, Laura’s face transforms from excitement, to worry, to the very tipping point between sorrow and guilt. Carmilla never looks away. She can see Laura fighting it, fighting whatever emotion is stirring around in her gut. There is sorrow and regret trying to claw it’s way up Carmilla’s spine but if Laura can be strong so can she.

Her voice fades into silence. She’s surprised that it hadn’t wavered at all. There’s a moment, like all the air is gone from the room and gravity has taken the day off and then, all of a sudden, there is the sound of thundering applause.

Carmilla smiles and gives a little bow, hopping off the stage and returning to the back where she promptly shoves her way through the office door and out the back.

The air of the alley is cold and dry. Carmilla rubs at her eyes furiously and takes a million deep breaths. Getting everything off her chest was not a pleasant experience. She didn’t feel free, she felt like she was going to float away into the emptiness of space and never be seen again.

“Carmilla?” Laura is standing at the end of the alley, her hands fidgeting against her stomach.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Carmilla says.

“Yeah. I do,” Laura replies. Carmilla turns back around, refusing to let Laura see her cry after the week they’ve had, refusing to let her see anything else after that stupid poem. This had been a terrible idea. Why had she slipped that flyer under Laura’s door.

Laura approaches her slowly, reaching out for Carmilla’s hand and then ever so softly turning so they are back to back. Carmilla takes a deep breath. The damn tradition was like a drug, calming her by the power of damn association.

“I don’t want anything to change,” Laura says.

Carmilla frowns, tears threatening to fall as she squeezes Laura’s hand tighter

“I want to wake up with your arms around me in the morning, and I want to sing really badly in the shower while you yell at me from the sink to shut up, and I want to spend afternoons on the couch watching documentaries while we eat our feelings. I want to fall asleep next to you every night and watch the stars from the roof. I want that feeling when you hold me like nothing can possibly go wrong and I want you to kiss me on the forehead when you think I did something ridiculous. I want everything just the way it was.”

Wait a minute.

Carmilla turns around, her hand slipping from Laura’s just long enough for them to come together again without snapping their wrists in two. Laura smiles up at her, a little hint of fear at the edge of her eyes.

“A speech the point of which is to tell you that… I think I love you, Carmilla Karnstein.”

Carmilla thinks she might pass out.

“You think you are?” she whispers. They’re only inches apart and Laura is making that stupid face again the one that means-

“Well, I haven’t exactly been able to test out my theory yet.”

Carmilla rolls her eyes and leans down to press their lips together. Just like that, everything clicks back into place. Laura’s arms wrap around her torso, pulling her closer as Carmilla’s hands run through her hair. Laura doesn’t know how she ever went an entire month without kissing Carmilla like this. It just doesn’t make sense.

At the end of the alley, Laf, Perry, and Kirsch watched with soft smiles. Laf glances at Perry, fiddles with their tie and then clears their throat.

“Hey Perry?”

“Hmmm?”

“Do you want to go on a date?”

Perry’s smile widens.

“It would be my pleasure, dear. Friday at the italian place you like?”

“Um, yeah, uh huh, that’d be good,” Laf squeaks. Perry nods and kisses their cheek.

“I’ll make the reservations. And wear that green bowtie you have. It’s sexy.”

She makes her leave, returning to manage the rest of the poetry reading. Laf stares after her, red right up to their roots.

“Dude, nice!” Kirsch says, raising his fist. They fistbump and then Laf raises their other hand to shake.

“Lafontaine.”

“Kirsch!”

Laura pulls away from Carmilla just long enough to catch her breath, grin widening to supernova levels.

“Yeah, definitely in love with you,” she whispers.

“I love you, too, if it makes you feel any better,” Carmilla says. Laura laughs and wipes at the wet marks still visible on carmilla’s cheeks.

“Girlfriends,” she muses, leaving another soft kiss on Carmilla’s lips.

“Casual as it can be, creampuff.”


	9. Epilogue

The sun is streaming through the window above the bed, casting long light over the covers and onto the floor. Laura’s eyes flutter open, her face soft with sleep and fastly fading dreams. She blinks and looks around the room, the night before coming back in fits and starts. All at once she grins and giggles, snuggling further into the warm embrace of, that’s right, her girlfriend.

Carmilla shifts closer, still asleep, and Laura turns in her arms. There’s hair in Carmilla’s face and a soft frown on her lips and it’s probably the cutest thing Laura’s seen in a week, if ever. She brushes the long raven locks away, gently smooths her fingers over Carmilla’s brow until she relaxes again. Something bright and warm builds in her chest until she can hardly contain it.

“Carm?”

Carmilla doesn’t respond. Laura bites her lip and runs her fingers over Carmilla’s jaw again, following them with little kisses.

“Carmilla,” she says again, pressing a kiss to her forehead, her cheek, her nose. Carmilla scrunches up her face and sighs. Laura laughs softly and cups her cheek, kissing just above her eyelids. Carmilla’s fingers curl into Laura’s back and she lifts her chin, nose nudging Laura’s cheek in search of her lips. Laura tilts her head and gives Carmilla what she wants, their mouths moving together slowly.

When they break apart, Carmilla blinks up at Laura for several moments before trying to look over her shoulder for the clock.

“What time is it?” she grumbles.

“Um, eight?” Laura says, sheepishly squishing herself into the bed. Carmilla closes her eyes with a huff and curls up again.

“May I ask why you woke me up at this ungodly hour?”

“I just… couldn’t help myself! You looked so…. peaceful and…” Laura shrugs.

“You liked the way I looked asleep…. so you woke me up?”

“Well, okay, when you put it like that…I wanted to share it with you. Y’know, cause I can do that now,” Laura explains. Carmilla rolls her eyes and pulls Laura closer.

“Fine, but only for today. You wake me up tomorrow and I will not hesitate to dump your cute little ass onto the floor.”

“Deal!” Laura leans forward for another kiss, more than pleased when she feels Carmilla smile against her lips. The hand on her back moves up between her shoulder blades, message quite clearly received. Carmilla is not planning on letting Laura go anywhere any time soon.

They spend what feels like an eternity there, time losing all meaning in the soft lazy kisses and reverent touches. Laura feels like she’s drifting, floating between warmth and the heavy weight of sleep. Carmilla wakes slowly to the all encompassing existence of Laura, not at all worried about whatever else is out there, not built to care.

“It’s just occurred to me that I never did get to have my way with you the other night,” she murmurs against Laura’s shoulder. Laura falters, her hands coming to rest gently against the cotton of Carmilla’s night shirt.

“Yeah, fancy that…”

“Laura?”

Laura hides her face in the pillows, fingers curling into Carmilla’s shirt.

“I hurt you, Carm, and then I walked out and if I’d just listened to you…”

“Oh god, cut it out, you did not hurt me.”

Laura peeks out at her, eyes immediately drawn to the fading marks along her collarbone.

“Really? You think a few angry love bites is going to turn me off? Laura, I wanted it as badly as you did. We were just…. very pissed at each other,” Carmilla explains.

“I still feel bad,” Laura mutters. Carmilla smirks and kisses her forehead.

“Then I suggest you make it up to me.”

Laura gasps at the sudden presence of Carmilla’s hand between her thighs, brushing gently against her underwear before guiding her leg up over Carmilla’s hip. They meet again for a deep kiss, Carmilla’s hand slipping to Laura’s lower back as Laura rocks into her. The little hitch in Laura’s breath when her hand continues south is music to her ears, the soft skin of her ass like silk beneath Carmilla’s fingertips.

Laura wastes no time taking control of the kiss, her tongue sliding between Carmilla’s lips at the first chance she gets. Carmilla hums in amusement, hand tangling in Laura’s hair as their stomachs slide together, shirts bunched up at their ribs. Carmilla takes the opportunity to slip her other hand up under Laura’s shirt and over her breast. Laura sighs softly, hips pushing forward, grinding down on Carmilla’s leg between her own.

Carmilla leaves Laura’s mouth for her neck, hand retreating from her chest to slip between them. Laura curls into her, mouth to the crown of Carmilla’s head, when Carmilla’s fingers reach her center, massaging slowly along the fabric of her underwear. She has one hand latched onto the pillow beneath her head, the other rubbing firm circles into Carmilla’s neck. It’s too early for any noise above a soft whimper but hell if she doesn’t have plenty of those saved up. Carmilla’s mouth vibrates against her pulse point and Laura smiles. Carmilla’s pleased purr is her favorite thing in the whole wide world.

“Carm?”

Carmilla looks up at her expectantly with a ridiculously smug smile.

“I love you,” Laura whispers. Carmilla’s smile softens and she leans up to kiss Laura, her hand sliding beneath the flimsy cotton in her way.

“I.” Laura inhales sharply as Carmilla’s fingers spread her open.

“Love.” She brushes against Laura’s clit, earning herself a stuttered groan.

“You.” She pushes her fingers inside, thumb circling Laura’s clit softly.

“Too.” The grin on Carmilla’s face is infuriatingly attractive as she begins to pump her fingers in and out, dragging Laura’s hips with her. Laura exhales loudly, a small moan bubbling out of her throat. Carmilla resumes peppering kisses along her jaw and down her neck. The pace is slow and lazy, stretching Laura out and pushing her up until she’s sure she’s a million miles off the ground, head in the clouds.

Carmilla can feel Laura tightening under grip, like a bow pulled to it’s limit. She presses harder, her thumb moving more insistently against Laura’s clit. She leans up and drags Laura’s bottom lip between her teeth, luring her into another kiss. Laura shudders and gasps into her mouth, back rigid for a moment before she collapses into Carmilla. Her muscles feel open and warm, her mind sharp and alert.

Well, she has always been advised to exercise in the morning in order to feel more awake during the day.

“I am so looking forward to waking up to you every morning,” Laura groans, placing open-mouthed kisses wherever she can reach.

“Ditto, cupcake, as long as it’s after ten o’clock,” Carmilla sighs. Laura giggles and kisses her hard. Carmilla, not one to put up a fight when the submissive result is getting laid, rolls onto her back and takes Laura with her, steadying her girlfriend in the perfect spot on top of her. Laura breaks the kiss to roll even farther to Carmilla’s side of the bed, head and shoulders disappearing over the edge. It takes a moment for Carmilla to realize that Laura isn’t in fact falling to her doom, but is rummaging around for a box she knows the contents of all too well.

Oh yes, this is going to be a very good day.

“And what exactly did I do to deserve this, darling?” Carmilla husks, her legs inching apart at the mere thought of what is to come. Laura throws the box onto the bed and slips out of her t-shirt and underwear.

“You did just say I needed to make it up to you, didn’t you?” Laura asks coyly. Carmilla licks her lips and strips off her shirt. By the time she’s wiggling out of her panties, Laura’s securing the straps around her hips with careful consideration. Carmilla reaches out and touches her stomach, fingers trailing down to the dildo hanging between her legs in unconscious desire. Laura grins and rocks forward against Carmilla’s hand, her own fingers travelling up Carmilla’s chest and behind her neck.

Carmilla takes the hint and rises to her knees, their lips meeting in a slow, hard kiss. The strap-on brushes against her hip and Carmilla let’s out a small sound she will deny for the rest of her days. Laura just grins at her and reaches past her for the lube on the bedside table. Instead of doing it herself, however, she hands the bottle to Carmilla and drops her head to the ugliest, fading mark on Carmilla’s shoulder.

Carmilla sucks in a deep breath as Laura cups her ass and drags her nails over the soft skin, wasting no time in squirting a healthy amount of gel into her palm. She makes sure to push back on the dildo as she coats it, earning her an involuntary thrust from Laura as the toy hits her clit. Laura’s lips and tongue continue their journey across her collarbone, worshipping each bruise and scratch on her pale skin.

Carmilla moans softly when Laura reaches a particularly sensitive spot on her ribs. She lifts Laura’s face back to her own for a sweet kiss and they sink down into the mattress, Laura hovering over Carmilla from between her legs. Laura lets her fingers wander down between Carmilla’s folds, her grin widening.

“Somebody really has a thing for strap-ons, huh?” she teases. Carmilla grabs her ass and thrusts up against her thighs.

“Stop acting like that’s news and fuck me Laura, jesus fuck.”

Laura pulls her hand back to the shaft and lowers her hips, letting the tip run the length of Carmilla’s pussy. She’s careful to keep her weight off of Carmilla, off of the bruises that are no doubt still sore. Carmilla doesn’t miss the gesture, lifting her hand to smooth Laura’s hair away from her face.

“Laura.”

Laura kisses Carmilla softly, like the whole universe is under her skin and if only she could get close enough she might know what magic feels like. She guides the dildo in slowly, carefully, it has been a while after all, and Carmilla’s gasping expletives into her mouth without a second to lose.

“Ready?” she whispers when their hips are flush, every one of Carmilla’s quivering muscles sending vibrations straight to her core.

“Always,” Carmilla groans out, hands returning to the backs of Laura’s thighs. She can feel it in every part of her, filling her up and spilling through the cracks, and at the end of the tunnel there’s Laura with her sweet fiery passion and her eyes that never waver from Carmilla’s face. She stares as Laura starts moving, soft little thrusts that have every part of her tingling. Laura stares back, eyes bright and cheeks flushed. It’s like staring into eternity.

God, she hopes this is eternity.

Laura has shaky moans and muttered curses falling from her lips in no time, her mouth leaving hot kisses on every piece of skin she can reach. One hand is between them, spelling out words Carmilla doesn’t even want to know across her clit as she picks up the pace with her hips. Carmilla meets her every time, her hands pushing Laura as close as she can get, tangling in her hair, grasping at her shoulders. She feels like every part of her is on sweet, glorious fire, Laura’s hands leaving scorch marks on her skin wherever they touch.

It doesn’t take long for that fire to build and pool low in her abdomen, crackling like lightning up through her chest. Carmilla can feel it pulling everything in like the collapse of a star, down down down until it explodes in a tidal wave that knocks her flat on her back. Her whimpering cry and the sweet pressure of the strap-on to her clit is all Laura needs to fall into that ocean of pleasure again, Carmilla’s name on her lips as they fold into each other in a kaliedescope of sparks.

Carmilla combs her fingers through Laura’s hair as she comes down, Laura nuzzling her neck with the widest grin Carmilla has ever seen.

“I don’t know if that’s going to cover it,” Laura giggles, “but we can always do it again.”

Carmilla snorts and opens her eyes lazily, fingers gliding down Laura’s cheeks.

“I guess I only have one complaint,” she says in her huskiest voice.

“Are you going to tell me or do I have to guess?” Laura asks, their mouths inching towards each other again.

“You…” Carmilla starts, the rest of the sentence hanging between them.

“Oh come on!” Laura whines after a whole thirty seconds have passed.

“You smell like firewood and you taste like sea salt,” Carmilla deadpans, “Not to mention all that sex smell that’s probably going to ruminate in here for the next few days.”

Laura scoffs and shoves one of the pillows in Carmilla’s face. Carmilla just laughs and sits up, her fingers undoing the harness around Laura’s hips in record time. They share a long lingering kiss. It’s all the things they stopped saying, good morning and thank you and whatever words they use for happiness these days, the long and varied list that it is. It makes their hearts flutter and sync, and probably nothing will ever feel as good as that.

“We should probably shower, huh?”

“Oh no, I was definitely planning to spend my day covered in sweat and the smell of your cum,” Carmilla says. There’s something in the snobbish way she says it that has Laura collapsing into the covers again, her laughter bouncing off the walls like sunshine. Carmilla rolls her eyes and gets up, throwing her bathrobe on and then retrieving Laura’s extra from the closet.

“Come on, let’s go,” she says, turning her back to the bed as she drags her hair over one shoulder. Laura bounces up and throws her arms around Carmilla’s neck, her legs locking around her hips. Carmilla grunts and links her hands underneath Laura’s thighs to keep her from falling. Why they still did this she had no idea, but if it made Laura happy then she couldn’t really complain.

Laura opens the door to the bedroom for her and they step out into the hallway. At the other end of the hall, the bathroom door opens and steam comes pouring out, followed by a very soggy kirsch in a very small towel.

“Ladies,” he says as he passes them on his way back to Laura’s room. He and Laura high-five, Carmilla acknowledging his presence with a simple nod.

It’s just that kind of morning.

When they finally make it out to the kitchen, fully dressed and acting somewhat appropriately, Kirsch already has a stack of pancakes tall enough for an army sitting on the counter. He flips another one up onto the stack and slides a coffee at Carmilla.

“Good morning, and welcome to the Kirsch Cafe. I made everything, in honor of you letting me stay the night,” Kirsch says.

“Oh trust me, it’s the least Laura could do after you drove her all the way back here from the beach,” Carmilla says. Laura, halfway into the fridge for some orange juice, scoffs loudly.

“The least WE could do, after our little disagreement at your ceremony. Besides, you were expecting to spend the night partying with friends and you totally ditched them for me,” Laura explains. Kirsch shakes his head with a silly little grin.

“I’m just glad the two you aren’t trying to kill each other anymore. Babes shouldn’t fight,” he says. Carmilla raises an eyebrow at him and Laura clears her throat.

“...People shouldn’t fight?” he amends cautiously.

Carmilla’s phone vibrates loudly on the countertop and she picks it up. A text from Laf, of course. What else could she possibly be expecting…

_SOS. Still Cleaning. HELP_

Oh for the love of-

“Any chance we can get those pancakes to go?” Carmilla asks.

“What is it?” Laura asks, walking over with her glass of juice.

“Laf and Perry are still cleaning up after last night. Apparently the party got a little out of control after we left.”

“Tiny ginger friends? Why didn’t you say that earlier!” Kirsch yelps. Carmilla and Laura watch in amusement as he runs around packing up the food. Carmilla leans her head against Laura’s.

“He’s known them for less than twelve hours,” she mutters.

“I’ve got nothing,” Laura replies.

~~~~~~~~~

It takes them less than ten minutes to tumble through the door of the bookstore, what with Kirsch leading the way. Perry is in the middle of vacuuming bits of decoration and snacks off the floor, Laf standing on the tiny step stool at a precarious angle in order to take down the banner above the counter. They both sigh in relief when they see the trio, Laf especially when they see the food. Or maybe the tall person. Either way, really.

Kirsch sets the pancakes and his assortment of goodies on the counter and bounds over to help with the banner. Carmilla looks around at the overflowing garbage bags and ill-placed chairs with a shrug.

“Because really, what else was I going to do this morning,” she mutters as she starts to fold chairs and stack them against the wall.

“Feel free to do whatever you’d like,” Perry says in an unbalanced sort of way, “Goodness knows there’s so much to do, what’s the point of making a list?”

“She’ll be fine once it’s clean,” Laf reassure everyone.

Laura smiles in a satisfied way and picks up a few trash bags by the door and carries them outside. Kirsch and Laf have gotten into the pancakes when she returns, Carmilla abandoning her duties as soon as she sees no one else is working.

“Come on Perr, five minutes!” Laf pleads. Perry sighs and sets down her window wipes.

“Five minutes,” she agrees as they gather around. Laura grins and grabs a pancake off the top, leaning back into Carmilla as an arm wraps around her waist.

“Okay, but see, the thing about pancakes is the bubbles, when they’re cooking y’know, it’s part of this chemical reaction….” Laf explains to a wide-eyed Kirsch.

“Don’t play with your food dear,” Perry reminds them.

“It’s science!”

“Science!” Kirsch repeats for emphasis.

There’s a knock on the door. Laura turns around, surprised to see a man in a suit peering through the glass.

“Can I help you?” she asks as she opens the door.

“I’m looking for Ms.Karnstein? My name is Rupert Henderson and she gave me her portfolio last night. After that wonderful poem last night, well, I read the whole thing. A little young, I’ll admit, but a perspective we don’t often see these days,” he babbles. Laura can hardly contain her excitement.

“Carm?”

Carmilla sashays over, her frown deepening when she recognizes Henderson from the night before.

“Hey, can I help you?” she asks.

“You can very much indeed, young lady. I’d like to publish at least three of these stories in the next issue of our magazine, and just out of curiousity, do you happen to do series?”

Carmilla smiles shyly and steps closer to talk business, her hand squeezing Laura’s behind her back. Laura places a kiss on her shoulder and retreats back to the counter for another helping of food. She’ll let Carmilla sign her business deal in peace like a good professional girlfriend.

“Laura, your phone was ringing!” Perry calls out as she approaches.

Laura feels her stomach roll itself into knots when she checks the screen, two missed calls from Danny and a text.

_Where are you?_

Laura isn’t sure what she’s supposed to say, considering it’s none of Danny’s business where she is, but also considering the crap terms they’d left each other on, most of which were Laura’s fault anyway. She grimaces and fires back a quick _Why?_

_I’m at your apartment_

Oh god, really? Right now?

_I’m at the bookstore. Five minutes._

She’s already out the door when Danny texts her back:

_No, I’ll come to you._

She waits at the edge of the storefront, passed the windows, for exactly three minutes. Danny walks around the corner with her hands stuffed in her pockets, grim concentration on her face, and bags under her eyes.

“Hey,” Laura says.

“Hey.” Danny crosses her arms and bites her lip, staring at the ground like it somehow knows what to say.

“Would have been nice to know you were coming,” Laura says awkwardly.

“Yeah, I was just worried that if I called first you’d tell me not to come.”

Laura frowns and nods. She probably would have.

“I’m sorry about last night. I never meant to keep things from you… it just never seemed like a good time, y’know?”

“Doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck,” Danny says.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

Danny looks in the window of the bookstore at the group of friends having what looks to be a grand ol’ time cleaning up the place. She nods sadly.

“So I’m guessing it’s over, and that you and Carmilla are now, what? On the same page?”

“Uh, yeah, that’s definitely one way to put it,” Laura cringes, “If it makes you feel any better, I really didn’t know I had those kinds of feelings for her?”

Danny snorts.

“Sometimes, Hollis….” She pauses and seems to compose herself. “We never really had a chance, did we?”

Laura shrugs.

“Carmilla and I have been bestfriends since daycare. I mean, I don’t know when this whole feelings and love and all that happened? But… yeah, we didn’t really stand a chance. You’re really awesome and I really really would like to stay friends, but I understand if I made that completely impossible,” she babbles worriedly.

“No, I mean, we didn’t get so far into this crazy mess that we couldn’t ever be friends again. But… I don’t know how well that would work,” Danny explains.

The bell above the door jingles and Carmilla appears in the doorway.

“Well? Are the two of you going to come help or stand here chatting like old ladies until Perry kills Kirsch?”

“Uh, no?” Laura answers confusedly.

“Tall and ginger?”

“I would… love to help? What are we doing?” Danny asks.

“We’re helping the ginger twins clean up after their slammin party last night. Come on. I don’t have all day,” Carmilla sighs. Danny looks at Laura and Laura shrugs. Carmilla holds the door open for them, not quite meeting Danny’s eyes as she goes past. The second the door is closed Laura is turning back into her, a suspicious look in her eye and a firmness in her fingertips.

“Carmilla?”

“Oh relax, I’m an asshole not entirely heartless. Besides, the more people in here the more I can focus on you and the less I have to clean,” Carmilla whispers into Laura’s ear. Laura shivers but somehow manages to stay focused.

“So this isn’t really a truce?”

“It’s as close as we’re going to get, provided she keeps her home visits to a minimum and I don’t have to participate in any outings” Carmilla says.

“That’s fair,” Laura agrees, and this time she can feel the stupid grin on her face and somehow it makes the butterflies in her stomach worse but then Carmilla is kissing her and….

Wait...

 **  
**Butterflies?


End file.
